thefoundation | the truth is, everyone wishes to be saved.

[ Wrapping both of his arms around him to give him a hug. ]

It matters because it's clearly weighing on you.

[ You're emotionally compromised, Dazai. ]

Even if it won't change anything, it might lighten a little by talking about.

[he is and he doesn't like it. that way lies pain.

which is why there's a long pause and a nearly empty stare while he considers his options.]

... the last time I talked about this sort of thing... that person was killed today.

It's not the first time, either.

You and I probably have similar luck when it comes to death. I doubt I'll die any time soon, despite what others might want.

[ So it'll be fine probably. ]

I'll even promise to be around tomorrow if you want.Then tomorrow I can promise to be around the next day.

[this laugh is the laugh of a person who doesn't think of himself as person, so like. kinda broke.]

Yachi-chan and I... already have been doing that. I don't know if I have the heart for more of that, I just don't.

[he'll really hate everything if something happens. which means, of course it will.]

[ Oh no. Giving him a squeeze as he buries his face against his hair for a moment ]

Then we'll skip that and just focus on the hard to kill part. People have tried, but I keep coming back.

[famous last words, he doesn't say.

mostly because he is... working on breathing. on heartrate. because he's good at that and having a panic attack is not cool, ok???]

Ah... I guess I can always put that to the test...

[ Don't be panic. It'll be fine. ]

You can put it to the test. I'll even throw in some extra information on top of it if you want.

[I don't really care about that, but no, can't say that. that'll break the kind of. act. going on. to keep him focused.

so, after a moment, the words come out, almost like a child who'd never had good experiences with using words like these:]

It just seems... I always pick the wrong time to reach for things. Or that... whenever I do, they're taken away.

So it's better not to--I was going to go about it that way, but... that's not how it turned out at all.

[and now he has regrets and he really wishes he didn't have these things called emotions boy wouldn't being a being of logic and no feelings be so much better????]

Like your friend before?

[ He's seen him talking to Rin, so it seems like they may have gotten close. While, he always had one of the ninjas as a bunk mate. Haku did remind Wei Wuxian of Dazai during their little talk in the bathroom. This isn't good, huh? ]

[no more words. only nods.

in fact, NOT WRONG ABOUT COMPARING HIM TO THE NINJA. boy just really ~~not really~~ wants to be empty?]

[ Moving his arm up to just gently run his fingers through Dazai's hair. ]

Was there anyone else that you lost?

[not gonna answer that

but the physical touches do have him leaning more as if he just lost the will to keep himself still and upright.]

[ He notices that and will just keep up the steady affection. ]

Haku reminded me of you. We had this talk, while he was soaking his feet in the tub. He said he wanted to be useful.

A tool generally does.

[he... doesn't say "tool" like an insult the way other people would. in fact, there's not even that sentiment of disdain others had about it earlier either.

just.

y'know.

better a tool than nothing?]

[ He notices that, too. Why is he again having Wen Ning flashbacks. ]

Even tools can get hurt and break. They need their own maintenance and care to last.

[... you are speaking Greek.]

[ Leaning his head forward to bump his forehead against Dazai's head. ]

Maybe I should keep hugging you.

[ That's to himself more than to Dazai. How to care for someone broken?
???? he is out of depth. ]

Just are you keep reaching out to others, they are also reaching back for you.

[good question there, bud. Dazai sure wishes he knew the answer to it.]

... is that so?

I guess that is so... though I don't really understand it. It was made pretty clear today that I probably haven't been as useful as I thought.

[... wait. there's probably a better word for this "useful" concept but he seems too burnt out to really think of anything better.]

Like this. [gesturing at them.] Do you just like to dote? I don't know how someone would still have the energy for it...

I'm usually the one being doted on. I thought I'd give it a chance because there's someone I'm friends with that seems to need it more.

[ He's fond of you if that isn't clear, Dazai. ]

You're still very helpful. You raised interesting points in trial, and I know you help a certain few by still being there. I know that's hard for you to really grasp though.

As for my energy levels... sometimes you've seen hell enough times that all you can really do is keep moving.

[oh.

someone who definitely understands that.

can he look anymore bleaker? well...

definitely more pained.]

... she didn't want to die. She told me. Thursday evening.

[Nothing Is Beautiful And Everything Hurts]

Yeah, I had a feeling she really wanted to live. That's why I didn't even think about voting for her.

[ She was young, had a lot to look forward to, and seemed to be full of life before the miasma slammed into her ]

Is that how it'll go now?

People who have those those are suddenly the ones people will view as expendable?

[ha. he should have been top of the list then.]

[ Pausing at that. ]

If that's true, then they would need to vote themselves at some point.

I will admit I am worried about them turning their sights on you next.

[ They seem to be taking Zabuza's suggestion despite Dazai's abilities no longer working for the miasma ]

[oh. good. then he's not just completely paranoid.]

... if something does happen...

I'll look after them both.

[ Giving him a squeeze. ]

Hopefully, it doesn't come that though. I am rather fond of you.

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