Week 3 Mingle

[foundationmods]

The last week has brought the first spilled blood. Three of the contestants are gone, with the promise of more to fall soon. The atmosphere around the house will start to get heavy around Wednesday, which is when the first game of the week is. It's almost like the house knows something is up...

The conspiracy is beginning to unravel. Dazai isn't Dazai, and the cracks are forming in his act. But that act must be held up, or the Foundation will be brought in to take control of the game. Now everyone must play the part and act like everything is normal, at least on camera. That stress of always performing is bound to make someone crack eventually.

Once again, the cameras and microphones change. The contestants will have to search out new spots for their secret conversations. Even one wrong step, one wrong word, and it's all over for this group. Everyone is watching, and they need to play their roles.

They better keep an eye out too, because storm clouds are starting to loom over the area, both figuratively and literally.

Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursdsay

Navigation | Dazai's PCs | Locations | confessions camera | PC post | IC rules

Comments

[scarsnstripes]

[He can hear that worry, and he hates that he's caused that. He hates that she's probably reliving fears she has for the other Atsushi, concern he doesn't deserve at all.]

...And I don't want anything to happen to you. I-I... I couldn't deal with it, if I hurt you.

[dereban]

It'll be fine. I won't let it get to that point. And even if you did, I'd forgive you.

[scarsnstripes]

I wouldn't forgive me! [It's said insistently, because... he's seen this recklessness with her safety before, and he can't.

He just can't.]

Don't risk letting me hurt you. Please.

[dereban]

[ Ah. . .

That's right. It makes her feel guilt in the pit of her stomach and she can't help but feel her expression fall. ]

I'll. . . try. But I want to help you. I have my phone with me. If the worst comes to light, I can help.

[scarsnstripes]

...Just... Just don't let yourself get so close you're in danger, ok? I wouldn't forgive myself. He wouldn't forgive me, either. You're my friend, Inaba-chan. I don't want to wake up and find out I-I....

[His voice trails off into a stutter before he swallows. He doesn't even want to think of it, anxiety building up in his chest at the very thought.

He hated the full moon. Hated the fear that he'd wake up and find more people dead all around him, torn to pieces by the Tiger's jaws. Hated knowing that someday, it might be someone he cared deeply about.]

[dereban]

. . .

[ She's quiet for the longest of moments, but he'll notice that her expression seems to almost crumple for a flicker of a second - when he calls her friend - before she slams it down and then just gets closer to him. Enough that she can wrap her arms around him into a tight hug. ]

I know that.

[scarsnstripes]

[Atsushi doesn't know why. He doesn't know why hearing he considers her a friend is a bad thing, especially since it should be the opposite. Shouldn't it...? Or was it really a bad thing, if she loved the other Atsushi so much, she might not--

And then she's hugging him, and he can't help but wrap his arms around her. She's warm.]

...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you make that face.

[dereban]

Don't-

[ She has to bury her head in the crevice of his neck because she's just going to cry silently, her shoulders shaking. ]

You don't have to apologize, you- [ Goddamn it. Her voice is watery now. ] You didn't do anything wrong. 's my fault. . .

[scarsnstripes]

[He's panicking a little. He wasn't expecting this. He was expecting anger, or annoyance, or.... anything but tears, really. His hands come up, rubbing her back lightly, but his pulse is picking up a little in panic. What did he do...?]

Inaba-chan...? I don't think you did anything wrong, I swear...

[dereban]

No. . .

[ She shakes her head in response. ]

I'm always fucking up.

[scarsnstripes]

You're not. You haven't done anything wrong, at least that I can see.

[dereban]

You don't know. If you knew, then--

[ Her voice cracks a little bit.

She can never tell him. She can never tell him. ]

[scarsnstripes]

....Inaba-chan. Whatever's bothering you, whatever's upset you so much... I want to help you.

[He doesn't know what to do, honestly. If Inaba didn't want to tell him, he couldn't force her, but.... his worry kept growing. She was bottling up something, and he was worried about how much it was hurting her.]

[dereban]

You can't know. You'll hate me if you did, or at best-- our relationship would never be the same.

[scarsnstripes]

I can't imagine anything you could do would make me hate you, Inaba-chan.

[Inaba he stanned actual murderers, you've got nothing on their rap sheets.]

[dereban]

. . . Can you really promise me that, though? If I told you- if I showed you- that you wouldn't hate me?

[ There's an implied 'that you wouldn't abandon me'? ]

[scarsnstripes]

...I promise.

[It's said with a certainty he reserves for few things in life. but the people he cares about-- that's one of them.]

[dereban]

[ She's quiet for a good, long moment.

A part of her is terrified. So she pulls away from him, places her hands on his shoulders and takes a deep breath. He'll be able to tell that she's nervous, that her fingers are trembling.

Maybe she just doesn't want to break that certainty that he holds in his voice, how she could just shatter everything in a single second. So she doesn't say anything more. Words aren't enough to convey this. Not when she's such a wreck of a person.

So she leans in quick - perhaps much of his surprise - and presses her lips against his own. ]

[scarsnstripes]

[He can tell she's nervous, so much so that he's wondering what she's so certain he'll hate her for that this seems to be causing her so much anxiety. She had to know he didn't hate people easily. Not unless they'd actually done something wrong, something cruel and hurtful.

And then she's kissing him, and any thought processes he has are grinding to a halt.

He's leaning into it, at first. He even reaches up, fingers hesitantly stroking her hair as he lets his eyes fall shut for a brief moment, slanting his lips against hers. He's still not that good at kissing, but he...

...But he shouldn't be doing this.

...And after a few seconds of response it suddenly stops, and Atsushi is pulling away, expression torn.]

[dereban]

[ For a flicker of a second, there's hope in the pit of her stomach when he leans into it. Even if he isn't exactly experienced, that doesn't change how happy she feels.

But then he pulls away.

He sees that expression on his face and she immediately frowns. ]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. See? [ And then her expression shifts into a smile that doesn't reach her eyes and there's obvious tears running down the side of her face as her words manage to come out, watery. Choked out. ] I'm. . . a monster, Atsushi. That's why I shouldn't have done anything.

[scarsnstripes]

No! No, you're not a monster. You're not a monster at all.

[It's rushed, sincere but urgent. He needs her to understand, he needs--

She's crying, and there's ice in his gut because he hates that he's done this to her. He reaches up, cupping one of her cheeks with his hand, because she's crying and he can't do anything to soothe it.]

Inaba-chan, I think... I think I might like you too... at least I think so... I haven't ever had to think about stuff like this before. [Because people?? Being attracted to him? So maybe he had had a crush on Dazai back in his world, but the fact was Dazai would never have felt that way about him. No one did.]

But as much as I want to... I can't. Not unless I talk to him.

[dereban]

You're just saying that.

[ He's being kind again.

Her heart is twisting because of this because she's just reminded of so many things from back in the Hotel and she hates it and she wants to run away and she shouldn't have. She really, really shouldn't have--

That's why she had locked away her feelings.

That's why she wanted him to be with someone else, so that way she doesn't have to deal with this.

It's so much easier that way. ]

You're just saying that, you can't like me, you don't know-- you don't know just how disgusting of a person I am. . .

[ She hugs herself, mostly so that she can throw up the barriers up once again. ]

I'm selfish, I don't- I just-

... Why?

[scarsnstripes]

I'm not just saying that. I would never lie to you about that, I swear.

[He reaches over, and just...

Wraps his arms around her. He doesn't know if it's welcome or not, but the way she was holding herself was heartbreaking right now.]

There's nothing disgusting about you. You're smart, and kind, and maybe you do have flaws, but they aren't bad ones in my eyes. I-I can't judge you for wanting people to like you or being lonely, or any of those things you seem to think are so bad... because I'm like that in a lot of ways, too. I'm scared of being abandoned by others.

[Always. He doesn't want the people he cares about torn away from him, not when only recently in his life has anyone cared. He still didn't feel like he deserved care and affection or anyone's regard, but he was selfish. So very, very selfish to want it anyway.]

But because of that, I need to talk to him first. Because I don't... I don't want to make a mistake, and ruin something so precious to the both of you, and have you hate me.

[dereban]

[ She wants to push him away.

At this point, she considers herself as unwanted trash that doesn't actually deserve any of it. But in the end, she doesn't. She doesn't and finds herself almost melting into that touch and it's because of that alone that disgust for herself comes back at full force. ]

. . . I'm not any of those things.

[ Her answer is quiet and the tears just continue because she knows just how kind he is. How kind they both are. And how her heart twists because she just wants to selfishly be with him because she's so desperate and lonely.

And he's right, in a lot of ways.

That maybe if she did this, in front of so many cameras where people can actually see them, she could ruin everything in a heartbeat. Maybe she already has. ]

I would never hate you, Atsushi.

[ She can't bring herself to. ]

Never.

[scarsnstripes]

[Atsushi wishes he had something to say to help her understand, to make her realize how important she was to him. It's hard though, when he feels lke he might be an interloper--again, why was he like this? Why did he do this to people?-- butting into something he has no right to even consider thoughts about.]

Inaba-chan, I'm not lying. Everything I'm saying, I believe... No, I know is true. And I know he knows that, too. He loves you for a reason, you know.

[He hugs her a little tight, just a tad desperate to help her understand.]

I care about you a lot. That hasn't changed at all. I want to spend time with you and laugh with you, and I even like it when I get teased by you sometimes. But that's all the more reason I need to do this right.