thefoundation | WEEK 3

Some of the obaasans tried. Crosses and ofuda and things like that work, but they're more deterrents than harmful. They're just really uncomfortable and hard to be around.

[ So are bells which might be why he avoided Wheatley for a bit after that library excursion. Back to the game though, he just sighs at the ridiculousness of it all. ]

Maybe if she catches on fire enough she'll turn into a demon at the end. Whenever the end is.

Oh, so it's more like bug spray and stuff like that?

[Don't compare vampires to mosquitoes?? Even though they both suck blood. It's fine.

He's been yawning his way through the sauce, but once the radish grating starts? He actually jumps to his feet and goes all out because there's so much motion there that the perpetual motion machine can get a work out. Go go go go go-- Wait.]

Wait, so we have to let her really catch on fire? So...

[Man, he wanted to finish up that radish. But he lets that one go, and then the next thing, well. He wouldn't know how to garnish a steak to save his life so he just literally throws everything on top. Open sandwich steak season it is.

Now Mama's just kind of on fire and sounding a little like a robot cheering them on...]

Hn, I guess. I haven't bothered with the chapel for that reason.

[ Whether he could go inside or not, it would probably be really uncomfortable so pass. Watching the game with anticipation, he probably glances Anon's way at the garnishing. That's a lot of things on top, he can barely see the steak! ]

...did we do something wrong that she turned into a busted robot instead?

Right! I think that was only here so a bunch of us could set it on fire, anyway.

[Anon doesn't have especially strong feelings on churches one way or the other, except maybe as yet another vehicle of humans being terrible. His impression of humans sure is a thing at this point.

He just beams back at Natsuno when he glances over, though. There's no sense in leaving out food, even if it's technically virtual food. Speaking of which, though...]

Hahahaha, I think she gave up on us! Maybe we need to fail a whole bunch of things before she really gets to her final form? [he at least mildly knows video game terminology by now] Though, that steak took so long that I'm actually hungry now just from staring at it for so long.

[And indeed his stomach is grumbling quite handily. Snack break?]

Too bad it came back. Maybe that means we should just burn it again. [ #mood and their cr in a nutshell. ]

Mmm, that makes sense. That must be why there's so many save slots. [ Tohru was the gamer, he just watched so rip their cooking mama playthrough. ]

You wanna get food?

Mm, if the buildings here just come back all the time, I wonder why Nirrti kept saying not to break things. Maybe the goats are just lazy?

[They should totally definitely set the chapel on fire again, though. At some point!!

He bounces up to his feet, though, and stretches happily. His stomach is still grumbling but he seems satisfied with just the prospect of food at the moment.]

Since there's enough save slots, we can worry about her later. I'm totally up for eating something!

[ Nodding to the goats laziness. It's either that or something similarly dumb, Natsuno is sure. He stands smoothing out the wrinkles in his pants. ]

We can pick something easier than a steak next time, like a sandwich or something. [ That can't be too hard, right? ]

Hmn, I can try and eat something too. [ He's not really hungry and he usually only eats the bare minimum he has to, but this is being social or something? Yeah? Yeah. ]

A sandwich is just bread with something in between, right? I bet you could fit a whole steak and all the toppings in a sandwich.

[See, he learned something from Cooking Mama(?!?), and he knows the correct definition of a sandwich because probably even the Underworld has its own version of that. Well, and it's definitely also his stomach talking...

He's going to make a beeline for the kitchen because food is food to him, whether it's social or not, though he glances back and occasionally walks backwards to semi-wait for Natsuno if he's being a slowpoke.]

What do you think? What kind of real food?

[He really isn't a picky eater.]

Yeah, and if you added cheese it's called something else I think. Steakcheese? Cheesesteak? [ He's following but a bit meandering in his steps, half lost in thought. Food is not something he's really paid much attention to in a while (beyond Cooking Mama), so he has to really consider the question. ]

Mmn...not something soft. No seafood either. Probably something we could play in Cooking Mama too, and has toppings because you were good with that. [ Thinking intensifies. ]

Pizza?

Mmhmm, and if you add a vampire does the vampire get cheesestaked?

[He was already prone to making dumbass jokes but all you people and your various puns are just making it worse. Never mind timelines, this is still the right week to be blaming literary edge club for the general punny atmosphere -- Anon is relatively patient with Natsuno's lollygagging, humming as also considers the question and also Natsuno's other confusing stipulations. They have had a lot of seafood lately...]

Soft and seafood, huh...

[He takes a little while to think through his limited knowledge of human food too, maybe?? That could have potentially led to further disaster, but then Natsuno brings up pizza and it's all for naught! (probably a good thing, for now)]

... Pizza?

[Natsuno is getting a frankly curious look, like he's said something maybe vaguely familiar but still largely foreign. Hm.]

[ Okay that terrible pun makes him stop and laugh for a second. Wow. Of course there's only one thing to do in this situation: ]

The cheesesteak would have to be hard and pointy enough. Nothing says we can't try it, though. [ Are they seriously adding trying to stake a vampire with a cheesesteak to their ridiculous list of things to do? To be fair, it's as zany as making a geriatric vampire drink out of a straw. Clearly this is just two birds (bats) with one stone or straw or cheesesteak. ]

Yeah, pizza. You know the round pie with cheese and tomatoes? But you can add anything else as a topping, I think.

Edited 2019-06-05 18:55 (UTC)

[Anon just gives a shit-eating sort of grin and a little twirl of victory where he's blocking the hallway while he's waiting; they're getting somewhere, they'll get to the kitchen eventually, but in the meantime their menu selection is sure to get at least a little wilder.]

That would be some real old bread and cheese. They could totally level up with time, just like vampires.

[Yeah, that poor geriatric vampire has a lot coming to them, other than breaking the space-time continuum but that's par for the meta around here.

Anon doesn't seem to see any problem with any of this, though?? Natsuno is the vampire expert here, so ostensibly if he's down with it then it's totally acceptable. This is yet another case of unnecessary and excessive mutual enabling but if it's just between them and Mama then nobody else can call them out on it. There's a moment or two more of thought before the lightbulb goes on.]

Ah, it's flat and has meat on it too sometimes, and I always thought I could eat one whole one in one bite! Even if there were as many toppings as the steak.

[He's probably not serious about this, even if the image is hilarious; he's usually at least minimally decorous while he's eating. Table! Manners!! Somehow.]

I think cheese does get better the older it is...so we have to try it. [ Nodding here convincingly, while also being impressed at Anon's food knowledge. This makes no sense that it's looped around to making all the sense. ]

A personal pizza, definitely. A regular sized... [ Looking at Anon and that grin of his. Voring people, celestial beasts and possibly idol oscars seems so far away on the space time continuum. So does the kitchen, but Natsuno doesn't mind. This is how habits are formed, and he's already feeling comfortable in what feels like their own personal bubble of teen spirit, mutual enabling, and ridiculousness. ]

I think betting against you is a bad idea in anything. [ If he realized how soft and earnestly he just spoke he'd be embarrassed, but for now the doki is unnoticed on Natsuno's end. ]

Mmhm, better and... sharper? Bread definitely turns into a weapon if it's more than 100!

[There was definitely an even worse joke in there somewhere involving lethal pointy objects, but look, he's on a (not literal bread) roll here, and Natsuno's just making it worse all the time. The space time continuum of escalating vore can only get better from here; but for the time being, Anon's grin just gains in brightness and a true mischievous edge as he soaks in Natsuno's apparent faith in his ability to destroy pizzas.

In response, he reaches up and pokes at his cheeks with both index fingers in a gesture that is way too whimsical for someone like him. Or maybe it's just right. ☆]

You've got it, though! I don't back down, even if I've never really met a pizza before! Besides, this part stretches.

[Poke. Poke. Yeah.]

Mhmm and France is famous for their bread, so if we use that and exotic cheese from Italy I think it'll work. Their cheese is supposed to be real sharp, or that's what I've heard the obaasan say. [ He doesn't normally trust them, but maybe they're useful on occasion. Nevermind that it's the wrong kind of sharp. ]

You should try that in a puri puri booth, I'm sure it'd be a hit. [ To Natsuno it seems just right, even if there's a passing impulse to see just how far he could stretch Anon's cheeks. But he shakes his head and moves on, because it's not like he's a little kid or anything. He's sixteen, psh. ]

We'll change that today, then. It can't be too hard to make a simple pizza.

France and Italy are pretty far away from Japan... I think? I don't even know where else you'd find vampires, but I'm pretty good at moving people around.

[Just. Saying?! Whatever is going on here, it definitely involves way too much faith in batshit ideas, sharp veteran cheeses, Anon's bizarre abilities (he always has faith in his abilities, though) and also geriatric gourmets. Nothing ventured, nothing gained or lost, though -- the notion of exploring is enough to drum up his enthusiasm.

Speaking of which, the kitchen is probably within sight by now, and although Anon definitely picks up his pace a little Natsuno's doing a good job of distracting him from peckishness.]

I don't think I've seen anyone here make a pizza, not even a goat. [so maybe it'll be a DIY, and maybe they're just going to make a total mess, but it'll be something new either way!] ... What's a puri puri booth? Does it have something to do with pizzas?

Edited 2019-06-09 02:07 (UTC)

Yeah they're in Europe and there are definitely vampires there. [ They'll figure it out, he's sure. Just the few weeks of knowing Anon has given him this burgeoning confidence apparently. ]

So we'll just show everyone how to make pizza and make them jealous then. [ Fake it until you make it. And boy will they be faking it, because Natsuno blinks a few times for good measure once they step into a kitchen. Man this seems big? There's so many more things to look at when you're not just grabbing the first edible thing you see and strolling out. ]

Not at all. It's a booth where you take pictures make stupid faces and then get stickers of it. I've never bothered to do it before, but the girls at school would always talk about it. Actually it might have been purikura but whatever.

Wow, there really are vampires all over the place, huh? I didn't expect that!

[Probably because all of the lore and the Shiki lore he's run into makes them seem like a terribly inconvenient bunch with dubious ability to stay in one piece or at least free of new orifices, apart from the immortality and the jinrou bits and the such. But as established he's perfectly willing to defer to Natsuno on the subject of vampirology here.

Speaking of confidence, Anon is a little better-acquainted with the kitchen himself, perhaps -- he also drops by here regularly for snacks and to see what people are making, even if he usually doesn't recognize most of the food still and even if he's still prone to making a mess more often than not.]

Maybe we'll be the first people here to have a pizza! Pizza, pizza...

[That's an extremely unlikely statement, but Anon is entertaining himself in a little sing-song as he makes a beeline for the fridge, which seems like the best place to look first of all. Of course, then he just stands there with the door open because there isn't anything actually pizza-shaped in evidence.

Natsuno gets a glance over his shoulder once he's figured that part out.]

Purikura just sounds like a fancier version of selfies. We should definitely do something like that once the pizza is ready.

[He probably still doesn't know what Instagram is but it's the principle of the thing, okay.]

Except Antartica, I think. It would be hard to eat up there even for a jinrou.

[ Momentarily he gets distracted in the frozen treats for vampire imagination space before he redirects to the fridge. Ah, hmm. ]

We need to make a dough first. So flour, eggs, and...? [ Do you use anything else here, he has no idea. ] And for the sauce we need tomatoes, spices, and whatever we're putting as toppings.

[ He may sound like he has some idea what he's doing, but he's really just winging this all based on assumptions. Case in point, he claps one hand against the other suddenly. ] And cheese, we can't forget that.

[ Grabbing the tomatoes and pulling out a giant spice rack as he tries to exude confidence. ] Selfie...? That's self potrait, hmn? Yeah that sounds right. Pizza is better than any stupid stickers.

[ That was an easy sell, but that's because as far as he's concerned this is just a picture of Anon and pizza. He doesn't need to be included here. Also he's from the 90's, so what is proper selfie culture. ]

Ah, that's true, unless they could find some kind of frozen ancient human or a penguin!

[That's apparently where his imagination is going to go too -- since there probably are less dragons in this scenario given the continued inconvenience of the space-time continuum, we're going straight down to frozen treats and frozen fowl play of some kind--

Anon starts rummaging around the fridge for the ingredients Natsuno's naming as he's talking, muttering with some diligence to himself as he at least manages to find eggs... apples... sausages? A whole chicken, some potatoes, and sure, let's top it off with daikon because clearly that's the way to go here after the steak and everything.]

This fridge is actually way more well-stocked than I thought. I've never made a dough, but I'm pretty sure you need fire, too!

[Fire isn't an ingredient but whatever. He does a clap of his own and dives back in to try and find cheese. They get a giant wedge of cheddar, seriously, it's almost as big as Anon's head. This is going well.]

And yeah, I'm pretty sure a selfie is just a picture of yourself, or like a picture of yourself and pizza to show that you've got a real pizza. That'd be pretty hard to fit on a sticker.

[He's still not sure how purikura works but Natsuno is absolutely getting dragged into selfie culture no matter what. Be Prepared.]

Trying to bite a frozen human is probably hard enough to break fangs... [ Save this idea for when they actually put their geriatric vampire kidnapping in action later down the road in the space time continuum. ]

We have a lot of ingredients to work with, good. [ Totally accepting all these choices pulled out of the fridge because what could go wrong. In the meantime he's pulled out a roller because he knows that's essential (thanks Mama) along with the flour. ]

I think we just throw flour and eggs in a bowl until we get dough. That can't be too hard. You can chop whatever toppings we're gonna put on while I do this to speed things up. [ Filling the bowl way too much as he considers the selfie, and then staring at the eggs as he tries to figure out how to crack them. ]

Isn't it a pizza selfie then? We'd just be the accessories—toppings to dress the pizza up.

[ This makes perfect sense? He is not prepared. ]

Ehh, I really didn't know frozen humans could be that tough, but I guess they'd be real bony...

[He sounds like he's thinking about this for the first time?? Notably because he always swallows his targets whole, human or humanoid or nonhuman, so he really hasn't thought too hard about it aside from trying to fit all of them down his gullet. He's just learning new things all the time throughout space-time--

Speaking of which, he just contemplates all the toppings now that he's got them out because he's got absolutely no idea what to do with most of these. But hey, at least he knows how to wield a knife. Can't be too different from a sword, right...?

So here's him taking a kitchen knife to cheese and potatoes. The poor potatoes get diced up in the most random and haphazard fashion, what's peeling things, but at least the carnage is over quick. Anon turns to the cheese and in this case he at least tries to make the slices flat?? It's a pie, after all, and the cheese is probably big enough to cover things... like cake frosting... This poor pizza.]

Heheh, I think chopping's my favorite part aside from eating! It's a little like swing practice, but it smells better, and-- [and he definitely just ate a piece of cheese I guess so now he's talking with his mouth full] --hmm-mmm, this is good cheese? And that's a pizza selfie, but I'm not sure we'd fit after all the other toppings.

[He is probably messing around but also that mental image is great. He's snickering and popping another slice of cheese. It's fine, they've got enough to make like two pizzas at the rate he's going anyway.]

[ Bony's one way to put it and Natsuno nods in agreement. It'd be easier to solve by just waiting for the human to thaw but that would require making impatient stomachs wait, which as evidenced by their current occupation of the kitchen is sometimes too trying an endeavor.

Finally deciding to just go for it he slams an egg against the side of the bowl. Yeah that's going all over his hands and not into the bowl. At least theres no egg shells in the flour? This method is messy so hes not done getting enough yolk into the batter until Anon is almost finished done cutting. Also leaving the skin on the potatoes is how you get fiber, clearly he's just got their nutritional needs in mind.

What's left, what's left... ]

You're better at it than me and this dough thing. Cheese and potatoes go well together too because of cheese fries. [ Yes in theory, with tomato sauce and dough less so. ]

I still need to mix this, if you can take care of the tomatoes too. [ Those are on a basket on the counter thankfully! Ty whoever knew refrigerated tomatoes are inferior texturally. Going to town trying to mix this without adding any oil or water RIP. ]

If we ate part of it first we would fit. [ Eyeing that cheddar eating wryly. He's joking here because he still has no intention of being in the selfie. ]

[Anon gives a little cheer when the first egg is sacrificed to the Extremely Dubious Dough Gods, evidently smashing eggs looks almost as fun as stabbing (chopping) sundry foodstuffs that you're not really supposed to be treating so roughly -- he would have probably asked to help smash eggs if he hadn't been so preoccupied with knives and preliminary snacking already. Maybe next time?

He snags the basket and starts stacking tomatoes next to the chopping board (Good News: he at least knows to use a chopping board instead of abusing the counter, thank goodness for his minor tutorial in not totally destroying the kitchen up to this point), peering over at Natsuno's dough challenge with open curiosity.]

I've never had cheese fries, but I guess there's a first time for everything? Dough looks complicated...

[Somehow they can totally fit like three types of junk food together, surely this will go well. Cheese fry apple pie pizza. Of some kind. The dough doesn't look quite right, but he couldn't tell you how it didn't look quite right, so Anon's just going to popcorn in the background but with additional cheese.

Also--]

But I think one of the other best parts is just eating part of it, 'cause the food is already there anyway. Wanna try?

[He'll get to the tomatoes in a minute (RIP everyone), for now he's occupied with waving more slices of cheddar Natsuno's way. Join him in delaying the entire disastrous process by eating the ingredients, obviously, this is training for selfies(??).]

Yeah, it's tough. [ Literally, this doesn't seem right. Wait a second. You can almost see the lightbulb go over Natsuno's head, as he realizes what he's missing. Wiping one of his hands on a nearby towel (rip if it was just a decorative one), and rummaging in the fridge himself for— ]

I knew I was forgetting something, dough needs butter. [ Not. Pizza dough. Throwing a few sticks in and hey, the dough is more pliable now? Success???? ]

Mmn, sure but- [ His hands are kind of occupied and all buttery to eat cheese. Help? ]

WEEK 3 - NIGHTSHADE

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