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thefoundation2020-09-05 07:10 pm
foundationmods) wrote in thefoundation2020-09-05 07:10 pm
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[CONTINUE + 4] INTRO
[After so long a trip, you're all finally here. Taken through a hidden passage inside of the very mountain itself, you find yourself standing in front of a field of flowers, growing well due to the open roof above it. If you look up, you can just make out the shimmering colors off of the barrier - looking almost like the shine off of a soap bubble.
Try not to trample on the flowers as you approach the open, purple gate. And remember to wear your masks, now that you're here!
...Still, the sight of the yellow flowers waving in the wind....such a cheery sight fills you with determination for what's to come.
Welcome to the Underground.
...Again. The loop happened again, and you're here. Everything is the same.
Someone who was dead is alive again.
The trial...it was...you remember only up until Gilgamesh was FOUGHT against, and then...nothing.
You feel you shouldn't try to remember anything beyond that.
Not only that, But more monster names have faded from your memory.
...When will this end?]
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[Her words trail off as she lets out a heavy sigh, her shoulders sagging.]
I still don't think anyone fully understands, though.
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[A problem that is only part her, really.]
But all this time I've wanted to protect you, and...
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Not wanting to always be protected is the reason why I never go by my first name around most people, you know.
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[She never put that together.
She's quiet for a while.]
I shouldn't have come here.
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It's fine, you didn't know.
But - if you want to leave... I won't stop you, either.
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Why?
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And I think this case is the latter. It's like - I don't know. Hearing you say this makes me feel used, rather than being an actual friend? I can't be the sole person that you rely on, that you place all your ideals on.
There's more to life than 'saving the world' and 'myself', you know.
It's not as if any of us really know what we're doing really, either. Hell, at this point I'm just throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping something sticks. [And as a planner, that kind of sucks for her, but it's something she has to deal with.] Maybe you just need to turn things around.
Instead of thinking of 'what can I contribute', look back at the options. What items do I have? What can I do with these items? What places have I not looked at? Who haven't I spoken to? What questions do I have? What do I normally do? What is something that I haven't normally done that is within my ability to do?
It doesn't matter if someone else may have done that already. People have different experiences, different ways of thinking. Even one small thing can be enough. It doesn't have to be anything big.
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I really do have a talent for saying the wrong thing.
[She sits on the ground and rests her head in her hands.]
And now we're talking about my problems. Again.
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[She sighs, taking her phone as it swaps to a different song on her playlist.]
Do you really want to know my problems, though?
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I want you to talk to someone about them with someone you feel comfortable with. I'd like it if that was me, but it doesn't have to be.
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Then, someone you can be almost comfortable with. Someone you feel somewhat less reluctant to tell than other people.
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Because I would have already told Atsushi in that case.
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I am fairly certain that you won't like hearing any of it. Even so, do you want to still wish to listen?
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[If she was going to stop listening to things because she didn't like hearing them, she'd definitely be in the wrong place.]
cw: suicidal ideation
[She sighs, her hands crossed tightly around before she opens her mouth, closes it and then once again, her voice soft as she speaks up in Japanese:]
During the last two games I participated in...
No, especially in during the gameshow...
I had a reason to die. Of course, that changed when specific information came up.
Re: cw: suicidal ideation
She takes a moment to carefully compose her response, making sure it comes across as an inquiry, not an argument.]
Why? What was your reason?
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And I've - never been comfortable in 'this body'. I was told by someone before that it's me, suffering alone from 'dysmorphia', but since everyone was always okay with their physical body...
How could I possibly say anything? How could anyone understand?
cw: suicidal ideation, continued
You're right that I don't understand how you feel about your body. I "understand" why someone might feel that way, but I don't understand.
But I understand being tempted by the thought of "all I have to do is die, and I can go back to how things are supposed to be."
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It's a 'me' thing. That's why I said that nobody would get it. That nobody would understand the idea of constantly wanting to rip myself out of my body if I think about it too much.