[CONTINUE + 4] INTRO

[foundationmods]

[After so long a trip, you're all finally here. Taken through a hidden passage inside of the very mountain itself, you find yourself standing in front of a field of flowers, growing well due to the open roof above it. If you look up, you can just make out the shimmering colors off of the barrier - looking almost like the shine off of a soap bubble.

Try not to trample on the flowers as you approach the open, purple gate. And remember to wear your masks, now that you're here!

...Still, the sight of the yellow flowers waving in the wind....such a cheery sight fills you with determination for what's to come.

Welcome to the Underground.

...Again. The loop happened again, and you're here. Everything is the same.

Someone who was dead is alive again.

The trial...it was...you remember only up until Gilgamesh was FOUGHT against, and then...nothing.

You feel you shouldn't try to remember anything beyond that.

Not only that, But more monster names have faded from your memory.

...When will this end?]

Comments

[dereban]

I have a penchant for assuming things based on the phrasing, so you need to say it more clearly...

[She sighs, taking her phone as it swaps to a different song on her playlist.]

Do you really want to know my problems, though?

[oceanicbutterfly]

[She'll try to work on her phrasing, she guesses, but for now...]

I want you to talk to someone about them with someone you feel comfortable with. I'd like it if that was me, but it doesn't have to be.

[dereban]

... I can't. It's near impossible to find any sort of comfort in talking about this. To anyone.

[oceanicbutterfly]

[She gets that, actually. ]

Then, someone you can be almost comfortable with. Someone you feel somewhat less reluctant to tell than other people.

[dereban]

... that's also pretty much impossible.

Because I would have already told Atsushi in that case.

[oceanicbutterfly]

...if it's like that, then I think it has to be me after all.

[dereban]

I can tell you... but -

I am fairly certain that you won't like hearing any of it. Even so, do you want to still wish to listen?

[oceanicbutterfly]

Yes. I'm sure.

[If she was going to stop listening to things because she didn't like hearing them, she'd definitely be in the wrong place.]

cw: suicidal ideation

[dereban]

...

[She sighs, her hands crossed tightly around before she opens her mouth, closes it and then once again, her voice soft as she speaks up in Japanese:]

During the last two games I participated in...

No, especially in during the gameshow...

I had a reason to die. Of course, that changed when specific information came up.

Re: cw: suicidal ideation

[oceanicbutterfly]

[Inaba was right. Karen doesn't like hearing this.

She takes a moment to carefully compose her response, making sure it comes across as an inquiry, not an argument.]

Why? What was your reason?

[dereban]

Back during the Hotel, we found out that if we died, we could go back home, to our worlds. But of course, that changed when we found out that the worlds were 'frozen'.

And I've - never been comfortable in 'this body'. I was told by someone before that it's me, suffering alone from 'dysmorphia', but since everyone was always okay with their physical body...

How could I possibly say anything? How could anyone understand?

cw: suicidal ideation, continued

[oceanicbutterfly]

[Karen is quiet for a moment.]

You're right that I don't understand how you feel about your body. I "understand" why someone might feel that way, but I don't understand.

But I understand being tempted by the thought of "all I have to do is die, and I can go back to how things are supposed to be."

[dereban]

... mm.

It's a 'me' thing. That's why I said that nobody would get it. That nobody would understand the idea of constantly wanting to rip myself out of my body if I think about it too much.