[CONTINUE + 2] Week 1 || Act: mingle

[foundationmods]

Monday comes onto the snowy town once more, though it still looks as if it's 'night' as ever.

Then again, you are underground. That's just to be expected, considering no natural light can get down here in the first place. The Monsters around you are just as friendly as ever, despite this being your third 'time' trying this monday.

There doesn't seem to be many Monsters here...or at least, you think there was more before? Huh.

Well, whatever.

You still have a mission - And with two trials under your belt, you're now a little closer to figuring things out.

...How much longer will this repeat?

FUN VALUE: 3
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Comments

[moonlightalter]

[He will smile when she opens the door.]

I like poetry too.

[ugly_split_ends]

Hahahaha...

[She'll trail off with her anxious laugh and give him space to come in. Fukawa seemed... happy.]

S-So, what did you think t-this time?

[moonlightalter]

[Puns make everyone happy, it's all good.]

I liked it! Admittedly I've never been to school so I don't know much about how it works, but all of it makes sense based on what I know. I liked how it swapped perspective too, to show what Sora was thinking.

[ugly_split_ends]

S-Seriously? No school?

[That gets a curious look from her.]

W-Well, it's a tool I used to hide information from the reader so it didn't become known too quick. You didn't feel 'cheated' Yamanishi never explicitly reflected on her secret?

[moonlightalter]

No, I, uh...

[...]

I-I did self-study at home instead. So I was never in a school.

And I don't feel cheated on it, no. Though I think flipping perspective a few times more could actually be used to hide more tension as well. If you flip the perspectives to include the other teacher too, you could make it initially unclear who is spreading the misinformation about the teacher.

[ugly_split_ends]

... [She's curious, but decides it can wait.]

No, that was never an option. Nishigawa's the villain... furthermore, he wanted her to find out, exactly so he could proposition her in the exact way he did. Make her vulnerable and exploit it. So there'd be no tension because he'd be thinking of it the moment they met. Maybe he didn't know exactly that Sora would be around to tell her exactly what had happened, but he was prepared for her to come back again a second time about it. If Sora hadn't been there to support her... well, the storyline gets dark if you think too far down that road.

Technically, it was accurate information. The article wasn't fake. I was also trying to comment on the nature of "hidden" sides to issues reported as matter-of-fact. Even when they seem so obviously right or wrong. Of course, it ties into Sora's assumptions and how Nishigawa uses his position to do what he wants.

[moonlightalter]

Hmm...maybe switching between the teacher and Sora another time in the story, then? Because having just one switch makes it more obvious that the switch was done to conceal of the previous relationship was true or not. But if the perspective switches more than once, it makes it feel more natural.

[ugly_split_ends]

Hm...

[She gnaws on her finger, thinking that over.]

What time, in particular? Before the confrontation over the article, or after?

[moonlightalter]

I would say before, to establish that point of view swaps are happening before it's important that they are happening. This could also be used to establish the breakup with Sora and his girlfriend too.

[ugly_split_ends]

Hm.... I wonder if that'll work. Two issues. One is less important: just that the fact there are point of view swaps at all was meant to be a secret. Since it literally starts from Yamanishi's introduction to her life at the academy, the fact it switches at all is already upending the "rules" of the story. If I switched earlier, I'd have to reveal that I was setting up their expectations in order to cruelly, cruelly betray them. Hehehehe.

[A little big of hissing-like giggling from Touko.]

Two, is that I want the audience to come to their own conclusions about Sora and decide if they like him or not. Whether he's genuine when he talks about his girlfriend and is faking it, or not. Also for the reader to wonder if the story is really going to be so cliched as to focus on "He has feelings for his sensei, but that's so taboo~" and that's the whole conflict. I mean, it is a part of the story, but the conflict goes beyond that.

The first thing Sora's point of view hits you with is he's genuinely a good person who believes in Yamanishi. I want to give the reader room to doubt that anyone can really be that good... especially when I presented Nishigawa as a potential other suitor.

[moonlightalter]

Hmm...that's a good point.

What about the confrontation where Sora shoves Nishigawa to the ground? The POV could switch just before he bursts in the door, and it could show Sora coming across his former-girlfriend crying. Then we could see him getting the information from her first-hand, as well as him dragging her off to see Yamanishi. And then we could see him punching Nishigawa from his point of view.

[ugly_split_ends]

Hee hehe... is that what you thought happened? Sorry. Truth is, Sora saw her text and then texted his ex-girlfriend "Get to this room... now." --Something like that, at least. There's no time for him to go and find her. Otherwise there'd be no scuffle between them. No delay before other teachers came to find them.

He really was a bit of an impulsive idiot. Just flew in there and let himself attack a teacher. Luckily for him, it worked out.