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thefoundation2020-08-22 05:01 pm
foundationmods) wrote in thefoundation2020-08-22 05:01 pm
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[CONTINUE + 2] INTRO
[After so long a trip, you're all finally here. Taken through a hidden passage inside of the very mountain itself, you find yourself standing in front of a field of flowers, growing well due to the open roof above it. If you look up, you can just make out the shimmering colors off of the barrier - looking almost like the shine off of a soap bubble.
Try not to trample on the flowers as you approach the open, purple gate, where it looks as if someone is waiting for all of you just inside. And remember to wear your masks, now that you're here!
...Still, the sight of the yellow flowers waving in the wind....such a cheery sight fills you with determination for what's to come.
Welcome to the Underground.
...Again. The loop happened again, and you're here. Everything is the same.
Someone who was dead is alive again.
...The man, who's name you forgot...You've also forgotten what he looked like.
Not only that, But more monster names have faded from your memory.
Ghost? There was never a ghost in these ruins, or in Waterfall. You have no memory of them.]
no subject
[Inaba puts her hands together, swinging them behind her back as she hangs her head to hide her expression.]
I think it's different for everyone. For me, personally? I just wind up pretending that I'm okay with it. Or, well - I guess I just mask just how much it hurts.
If I tore myself down about it, it'd only break their hearts more. I can't do that to them.
no subject
[He looks down at his gun, a sad smile on his face]
If people are looking to you... and you break... it feels like all you're doing is hurting them.
no subject
[Her words are kind - in a way that's sounding just a little strained.]
That's why it's easier to focus on everyone else. But - I know it's unfair, to have to saddle those sorts of expectations on everyone. To make it so that I'm not allowed to shatter... or to force others to act in a way that they have to mask their pain around me.
Because something like that only tears me up even more. I'd rather have a balance... I guess? To be able to have my friends be able to rely on me, but be open enough to do the same. That's the kind of person I want to be.
[Her voice is too soft as she says those words.]
no subject
I think... if you're already thinking like that, you're already on the way there. I... I used to be really bad about holding back my own feelings on things too- doing things I thought would help without ever asking if they really WOULD. It's how I lost these babies.
[He wiggles his stone fingers]
But... I got another chance. I'm still working on it. I probably will be for the rest of my life. But I bet... well, if we're both working on it we can work on keeping each other on track, maybe?
no subject
[She laughs a little awkwardly, scratching the side of her cheek.]
I'm the same, but I know how to moderate myself. I'm not going to run in the face of danger when I know I have to protect myself... which is kind of ironic, given how many times I volunteered during the gameshow.
[Another laugh, but this time it's bitter.]
But I had my own, personal reasons for that back then. A lot of them really selfish. [She won't deny her own selfishness.] I... used to push people together, back home. Because they were my friends -
[...]
- my only friends. I didn't just hold back my feelings. I threw them away, out of some stupid fear that I'd lose the first people I could actually call that. And sometimes I think about just tossing those emotions aside so I can focus on saving everyone. Seeing them all break like that week by week, with how scared everyone is about the potential of losing someone important to us - not even gone just simply by memories, but the existence...
It's hard.
[And that's when she sighs, staring up at the ceiling of the Underground, how she can see the colors right there.]
We both got a second - third, whatever chance. Sure, it's unfair that we're the ones who can get those chances -
[As someone who overthinks things a lot, there's always the question that hangs in the air of 'why us', the guilt that pangs in her chest whenever another monster's name is lost into the void, how they're even losing more and more of
Will they, one day, lose his existence, too?
If that happens... will any traces of how she died, that second time also disappear?
...
She kind of hates herself for the briefest thoughts of relief that are mixed in with worry and frustration.
Shaking those thoughts aside, she smiles, thinly. Warmly.]
I think that's just... [she stops herself from saying 'human', but the implication still lies there] ...the way it is, isn't it? We can't remain stagnant. We grow, we change, every single day. We don't stop, because there's no such thing as perfection. After all, we're flawed creatures.
But you're right - we have each other's backs to rely on. We can work on things together, figure things out together. None of us are alone anymore.
no subject
I was the same way, back home. Before I got arrested I didn't have a lot of friends- I wasn't like, an outcast but I just kinda coasted through things. So the moment things went bad everyone ditched. And when I moved to Tokyo everyone assumed I was a criminal. I heard people talking all the time. That I was dangerous. That I did drugs or carried a knife... funny, all those things are true now, huh?
But I made some friends who were spat on too, and I was so scared I'd be alone again that I... just always told them what I thought they wanted to hear. Make it my job to fix all their problems. If I had his power I probably woulda ended up kinda like Yoshi. But when I came here... that kinda thing didn't work anymore- I almost got myself killed thinking like that. Really hurt some people I cared about. Even now I... still tend to think like that.
As shitty as this world is, I can't say I hate that I came here. I've grown a lot. But have I grown enough that my living was worth what Sherlock went through? If he got deleted I don't know if I woulda been able to keep going...
[He shakes his head, not used to talking this much, especially about himself]
Sorry, I'm rambling. I guess all we can do is work together and stop it at the source.
no subject
There's no need to apologize. Not when it comes to this sort of thing. At least - I personally think so.
But I get that. Just trying to 'get by', not having any close connections, things like that.
[She never had friends.
Just... acquaintances that she'd have lunch with, things like that. She had put herself at arms length for a rather long time, until she met the CRC.]
Making assumptions like that is kind of dangerous, though - although... then again, people do sometimes make quick and fast harsh judgments. First impressions are everything, sometimes, and if you have a record...
[You see how it goes.]
Ah, yeah - since Yoshi can read minds and tings like that. Personally, I still stand by what I said before. Fulfilling the desires that they want and making them 'happy' isn't going to help them in the long run. Sometimes, others are wrong, after all. That's just [human] nature.
And... another thing that I will say is that - well. I agree with the sentiments. That well, this world is shit. There's a lot of things I don't like and am not comfortable with [as she says this, she smiles, but it's with a bit of a grimace] but... there's a lot of people here that I've met that I care about.
But also -
[Light karate chop on Ren's head. There's no force put into it at all.]
Don't say something like that. I mean, sure - I guess I'm a hypocrite for saying it. Everyone's suffering is going to be different, you know. We all have different experiences.
And... measuring life like that is bullshit. It's like me trying to compare my life and its weight to yours. Was me coming back worth you dying in the last loop, on the same night and around the same time I did? That's not fair to anyone, not myself, not Holmes, and especially not you.
[Which, uh. This is something that she's been mulling over in her head for quite some time and only now has had the chance to even voice.]
Well, there's no need to think too hard on 'what ifs'. We'd just end up spiraling down a very bad cycle, there.
[...]
Anyway, I guess I should thank you. For... trusting me, and being able to say that much to me.