the truth is, everyone wishes to be saved.

[finalring]

The execution has come and passed with the death of two more Agents. However time moves on without cease and so must the living. There are no celebrations, only the silence that grows heavier and heavier with every day and the feeling that something is pleased with what it has done.

There are two more days before the new week arrives: what will you do?

Comments

[boardreversal]

[He does look up at the knock, his eyes red-lined and filled with the depths of grief.]

...Aunt...Rosa.

[He doesn't really move much more beyond that, clutching the sweater tighter to him.]

[golden_dream]

...

[She'll slowly come inside, ready to jump back if he yells at her, since she's not sure she can predict his reactions so well after his outburst last week.]

[She'll write a little note if not stopped:

"I'm so sorry, Battler.

You understand, right? You understand what Aunt Rosa was doing? I didn't hate Rin-chan. I liked her very much. I know you did, too."]

[boardreversal]

[He won't stop her - hell, he'll barely move, even as she writes.

Once she shows him what she writes, he just...laughs, a little.]

....I know, Aunt Rosa. I don't...blame you.

[There's a pause, as he shuts his eyes, then opens them again.]

...It's my fault. I was so...I thought, that they'd listen to you...that I didn't even try to....

...Aah, it's all so useless...

[golden_dream]

[She writes more, a little hurriedly:

"Battler, you did nothing wrong!"

She flips that as quick as she can before he really can start bawling.]

[boardreversal]

[Logically, he knows that's true. The part of his brain that is always thinking, always yammering on to itself, knows he wasn't instrumental in that decision, and even directly arguing for Rin's sake wouldn't have changed much.

Not many people could have seen her real struggle - that it wasn't just her wanting to die, but that she didn't feel like she was worthy of living after what she had to do to her sister.

But emotionally, he's still reeling, drowning in his emotions and floundering for a way to break for air.

So...he does exactly what she'd think he do, and tears start to flow down his face.]

...I...I'll never...see, or talk to her again...

...I....I loved her, Aunt Rosa...I thought I just...liked her, but...

[He wipes at his face, taking shuddering breaths.]

...I'm....such an idiot...Realizing I really did love her...once she's gone.

I just....wish I'd...volunteered, instead.

[golden_dream]

...

[Her eyes widen at the shock of that revelation. Her lips can't help twitching. Ah. she thought. So this was the part of Battler that Rudolf gave him.]

...

[She slowly starts to write, then eventually flip:

"Battler-kun, even if you had volunteered, you never would have been killed.

Please. Understand. There's no situation where you could have sacrificed yourself for Rin, or absolutely anyone else who could have been voted instead.

Everyone loves you. Everyone wants you to be safe. Everyone knows this has been hard on you. Rin-chan herself, I'm sure, wanted you to live. So... please don't think that way."

A slight pause, so he could read that, before she added:

"I'm sure she knew you loved her, too."]

[boardreversal]

[He reads it, and...he can't help but smile sadly, even though it hurts.

It hurts so badly in a way he can't really articulate. In a way that he isn't used to, unlike all the other times he's lost someone.

And he knows...He knows that she's right, deep down. He couldn't have stopped them, in the end...but it's not what his grieving heart is telling him.]

...Y-Yeah. I....hope so...

[There's a pause, before he tries to speak again.]

I...think I really, really get it, now...why Grandfather was so obsessed with the Occult, and bringing Beatrice back.

[He'd been able to sympathize with Kinzo before - but now, it was like seeing it with new eyes.

A part of him is whispering just to accept that all the miasma is real, that magic does exist - because then, even though he'd suffer...he'd finally be like everyone else, and able to see her again.]

...I'm sorry. I...I understand, Aunt Rosa.

[golden_dream]

...

[Her first impulse is to scribble out a note about how Beatrice didn't exist. Never existed. That the story is fake. Fake fake fake. It's fake. It has always been fake, and SHUUTTTTT UP, BATTTLEERRRRR...

But she can't possibly write that fast. Or that loud.]

...

[Then she thinks about it, and gets even madder. Battler wasn't the only one with a lost love he couldn't get back. Was he? But did Rosa whine about it? No, she had to get up and take care of Maria until she could drink enough to forget it and then throw herself into as many romantic trysts as she could to try to revive the passion she felt. She knew how to cope, WHY COULDN'T HE??]

...

[She was curious if their relationship actually went so far that they were finding rooms to sneak off into to do what young hormonal teenagers did, and if the chance of her stumbling across them when she was out in the mansion was greater than zero, but it was too late to chastise him for that.]

...

[...In the end she just takes a moment. Takes in a deep breath, then writes out:

"It's all right to grieve. And cry. A lot. But don't let it consume you for the rest of your life like some people do.

When you feel better, come talk to Aunt Rosa, okay? I'm still spending a lot of time in bed, tired."]

[boardreversal]

[Rosa as always is a lot I see.

Since he can't hear her thoughts - only see what she wrote - he nods, wiping his face.]

I...I'll try. And I will, I -

[before he says the word, he freezes, looking down at his pinkie and wincing.]

...I will. I just...need a little time...

[He pauses again, saying one last thing.]

...Thank you. For...trying to protect Rin, at the trial...It...It means a lot to me. ...More than...I can say...