nobody's in the mood for recording 6.9: the post-trial garden tea "party"

[tsunderine]

The flowers that bloomed at the end of the trial are ones that only seem to prove, continuously, that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Of course, it's only natural that many of the people are full of mixed emotions - grief? sadness? anger? frustration? maybe something else completely different?

But it's there, along with the end of the week.

Miasma still continues to be around, of course - but make use of the fact that this might be the last time it'll be at a low level one before it shoots up again.


Well.

Life continues as usual, disregarding any feelings that any of the house's occupants might be feeling.

So what are you doing these next two days?

Comments

[cw_suicide]

[this stare like "... what? seriously?"]

[notbymyside]

[Yeah he won't elaborate :) He's just going to smoke right now.]

[cw_suicide]

[... kicking his foot against Ango's kinda half-heartedly.

don't just clam up, you.]

[notbymyside]

[He does what he wants ok]

I hate to think what those three kids are doing in my absence. Atsushi-kun has his heart in the right place, but he needs guidance. And the other two- Kyouka-chan and Lucy-san- just follow after whatever he does.

[That sure is a topic change.]

[cw_suicide]

[... huh?

squints at.]

What's going on with those three?

Is this part of the Hunting Dog round-up? 'Cause... I'd just been arrested when the Foundation pulled me in.

[notbymyside]

...Dazai-kun, when I was brought here, you had been in prison for over a week already. We were already working on how to clear the Agency's name and get that page of the book before it was used. I've been cooperating with those three for most of that time.

[cw_suicide]

... ah. So the Foundation broke the space-time continuum.

That's such a nice thing to learn.

[notbymyside]

It certainly did.

The rats haven't figured out your little trick yet, by the way.

[The heartbeat one.]

[cw_suicide]

Haha, I bet Dostoyevsky's full of himself thinking about how the design is all coming together.

He was always bad at understanding humans do what they want, regardless how much you plan.

[he, on the other hand, tries to plan for "someone does something unexpected because idk my bff humanity]

[notbymyside]

His plan has been a solid one so far, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We might come out victorious after all.

[cw_suicide]

There was a fatal flaw the whole time, wasn't there?

Well, maybe if our timelines are ruined, another one will turn out for the best.

[haha. that's... that's optimism, right?]

[notbymyside]

He didn't account for Ranpo-san.

[At Ango's point in time he hasn't seen the end result of Ranpo's everything, but yes. He knows Ranpo is up to something.]

[cw_suicide]

Who can, honestly?

[unless Ranpo-san is your senpai.]

[notbymyside]

It's lucky you have him on your side. That wild card might just be what saves the Agency.

[cw_suicide]

Of course. It was built for him, in the first place.

[how nice for Ranpo, really.]

... though, speaking of the Agency. I was thinking about telling Yachi-chan how that ended up happening.

She knows the general gist, but...

[notbymyside]

...but you want to tell her details. Details which involve me, which is why you're mentioning it to me.

[cw_suicide]

... you feel awkward about the situation, don't you?

I don't think she'll change her opinion on you all that much, to be honest.

[a pause as he looks away and pulls a drag from his cigarette before exhaling the smoke]

In any case, even if you had a hand in it, we both know who's really at fault for it.

[spoilers: it's him.]

[notbymyside]

[Of all the discussions he wants to have right now, this is definitely not one of them. It's taking all of his willpower to not yeet himself out of his body and astrally project his way out of the situation.]

Dazai-kun. You spent four years refusing to talk to me over this, and then when you finally spoke to me again it was to get me into a car crash.

I already know you're still bitter over what happened. You don't have to pretend.

[cw_suicide]

You wouldn't have had the plausible deniability to assist me in arranging things for Kyouka-chan if I hadn't done that.

[blunt because. maybe there was spite there but also...]

We're likely to die in this place. It seems stupid to keep misdirecting and denying. Not that I don't have resentment, but that just made you convenient, too.

[notbymyside]

We're not going to die here.

[He says that firmly.]

...and I can't accept that sudden resolution to the very foundation of our relationship over the last four years.

[cw_suicide]

Do you know what the truly bitter thing I've lingered on for four years has been?

Not once--not once in those two years did you say anything about how it would look to Mori-san that I was around the two of you. And why is that? Because it would compromise your mission.

Oh, I know even then, I'd probably give you the same line I gave my subordinates--"Ehh? So that's how other people see it?" and such. But they also never mentioned Mori-san or how he would see something like me hanging around a former assassin and a government agent on my off-hours.

Maybe you can comfort yourself by saying "he was caught in the crossfire" but the reality was he was the target all along to force me out, wasn't he?

[notbymyside]

[Wow that is R U D E

And Ango thought he could handle it, but. No. The wound is still too fresh.]

See? We can't even talk about it yet without getting at each other's throats.

[He's going to move to stand up now too.]

[cw_suicide]

[Dazai's not going to stop him but he will quietly say:]

You were gone. Odasaku wouldn't hear me...

Running back to the person who orchestrated the whole thing, begging being allowed to take a unit to assist, without even realizing what was actually happening until the envelope was shown--do you know how that feels, Ango?

[it's him. he's the fool. and he's done it again. just following what he was told to do, trying to minimize the damages and all he did was accidentally pull the trigger on someone he was considering a friend.

he's... doing really badly. actually.]

[notbymyside]

[He's on his feet, but he stops when he hears that quiet confession. Ruminating on it for a moment, he struggles over what he should even say. Part of him wants to just give up, to keep his pain inside and never let it show. But would that be fair to Dazai? To keep coming back time and time again to help Dazai, without ever really explaining himself?

...

The answer is spoken calmly, but loud enough for Dazai to hear, even without Ango turning around to face him.]

Of course I know. I know better than anyone.

I was supposed to die in that fire, Dazai-kun. Odasaku wasn't supposed to show up and save me. And each and every person involved in that plot- excluding you and Odasaku- knew it. Even my superiors in the government.

I spent months knowing I was a sacrificial lamb for their schemes. How could I not know? I saw all of their plans the moment I touched a paper, or a desk, or anything else. I spent months trying to find a way to save myself, without risking either of the two of you. That's why I didn't tell you two: I didn't want either of you to burn with me.

[And a fat lot of good that did, with one friend dead and the other holding a grudge.]

[cw_suicide]

[ah... right. that all makes sense, doesn't it. Ango resigning himself to his fate without saying a word--maybe even believing that if he did well enough, his superiors would let him go without being sacrificed.

Dazai's hand twitches, like he wants to reach out but would it do anything? he's just going to lose it all again. they're going to die here, he's pretty certain.

a broken laugh comes up instead.]

How stupid... Mori-san put Odasaku on your case. There was no way Odasaku wouldn't have tried everything to get you out. Even if you didn't explain it all--that was the case, wasn't it?

It's the exact opposite. I didn't see any of it. Even this part of it. How stupid... I'm... really stupid, aren't I?