thefoundation | Opinions without 3.1415 are just Onions (Week1 post trial)

[lol, guess who thought he just came across as foolish and unproductive.]

... then, I'll keep doing that.

[Well, that too, but that isn't what needs to be encouraged right now.]

We also need to try and get everyone to open up more. [That's going to be the difficult part. Beyond difficult.] We have to all trust each other completely, that's the only way we'll be able to stand up to this place trying to pit us against one another.

[... ah.]

That's going to be difficult to ask for. A number of us seem to have come from highly survivalist lives, going by the reactions to that scene before...

[and we both fit that criteria, apparently]

I know. There are people here who are going to try to be entirely self-reliant until it's too late, and people who aren't going to be willing to share their thoughts because they think it will protect them, or give them an edge. But that's exactly the sort of defensiveness that will get us killed.

[... whyyyyy thiiiiiiis.]

Admittedly... I am a bit that type...

I know. That's one of the reasons why I'm worried about you.

[NO WHY. time to make sure no one else is in the area before lowly and hesitatingly saying:]

There are things I think people could take badly, if they are aware... so I haven't really delved further from the fact that I'm a detective with an agency for special ability users back home.

[She nods, listening.

She'll let him talk, if he wants. But if he doesn't then she'll try and draw him out a little.]

[he is... making damned sure they're alone right now before going up to her, keeping as quiet as possible:]

Before I became a detective... there was a period of time I worked as a member of the Port Mafia.

... more accurately, I was one of five Executives. And protege to the Boss.

[so you can see how... this could... go bad...

and then getting into it, like he's issuing a status report, just with deadened emotions because this sure has been something he's been very particular about.]

I've let a few people know, hinted enough to a few others. Zabuza-san is clearly a kind of mercenary so he thinks in terms of someone's use, so since my ability have a use, he has no reason to act on me. Haku-kun has dug a little further than I'm personally comfortable with, but I'm assuming I'm in decent enough graces since he keeps prodding at me. I didn't specify with either of them but they know I have prior experience when things are... messy.

Rin-chan is aware because we had a game of Truth or Dare back when I initially got injured. It's hard to answer the question "what's the worst thing you've done?" when you've done and directed pretty much all of it.

Yachi-chan... knows the timeline of it. And a little more specifics. Not much, though. [seeing how she responded to things today sure enlightened him to how much of his shit would be overwhelming to her so, good job, him.]

Then there's Ango. If there's ever confusion or issue or concern about these sorts of things and I'm not... able. To answer, then he'd be the person to speak with.

Edited 2020-04-19 19:15 (UTC)

[She listens, pausing in her washing, her full attention turned to Dazai as he explains.

Yuri doesn't know how to fill in the gaps in his story but she can fill them in well enough, can tell how much it's hurt him, how much he's opening up by telling her this. She wants to reach out to him, but her hands are filthy from the washwater and so she doesn't.]

You've had a horrible time. [She's said that before, to Shiro, a long time ago. Her heart is breaking now as much as it did then (it's only what she does next that's different).]

It must be so hard for you to tell anyone, or to trust anyone.

[... ah?

this is not... the response he was expecting?

he doesn't know what to do with people who say this--why do people keep saying this here?

but she's not wrong. even the person he trusts the most in this place is... well, Ango. and that, well...]

... Yuri-san, I'm the one who's given many people more than just a horrible time. So that's... only to be expected.

Even if it's something you think you deserve, that doesn't mean it isn't hurting you.

... what I've done... isn't the part that hurts me.

[it's what he didn't do.]

Even with such a high position, access to all the information I could need to see through the design... I couldn't even save a... very dear... close friend of mine.

[this place is terrible and he's having flashbacks nonstop about it even without the miasma.]

[That glistening of wetness in the corners of her eyes is spilling over now, tears running down her cheeks.]

Don't...

Don't blame yourself for not being able to save someone.

Shouldn't I?

I was very frivolous. I would talk about my friend to my subordinates, warn them against upsetting him, and maybe I said something to the Boss or someone told him...?

Ah, but then, I also would overlook things like a lead of a unit not taking care of underlings who'd take product--undermined the Boss's authority, wasn't that so?

It's no wonder the Boss would think I was gunning for him. Doing things like that and meeting with someone I'd say was capable at a bar after work. It's so obvious now that that's how it looked, isn't it?

[he's speaking with a clear enough voice, not seeming able to put on the breaks after he starts because no, she's wrong she doesn't understand how it went

the real tragedy is that he had just been a brat. who didn't want people killed over drugs missing and just wanted time with friends separate from his mafia life and just didn't register how bad it looked until he was standing in Mori's office, begging for him to save Odasaku.]

It'll be the same here, won't it? If I let on or people see too much--ah, but it's probably... already a bit late for that...

[She didn't want to, but she is, she's reaching out to grab him, one hand going to his shoulder like her touch will help him understand.]

That--

You've been hurt so much, I'm so sorry.

[HOW IS SHE STILL GETTING THAT FROM WHAT HE SAID? is the internal scream right now. he doesn't pull away from the grab and of course grabbing hold of him means powers are getting blipped off, but he does stiffen, kind of freeze. a little deer in headlight.]

... no, that's...

[except words failing him. this is the same guy who had everyone laughing and yelling at him for being a playboy, somehow.]

Edited 2020-04-19 20:46 (UTC)

I know you think I'm wrong, but you were so hurt, and you've hidden that from everyone, and it must have been so hard for you.

[he screem so much internally.]

It's... not something... to share in a situation where... someone might...

[use it against him.

oh no.

what is he doing here? this is very foolish. surely this is just going to backfire?! she can probably feel the tension where she's grabbed hold. even now, he's not really focusing on himself because... well, honestly... he. doesn't know how to.]

[She feels him go tense, and relaxes her grip but doesn't drop her hand. She's still here, Dazai.]

I know that it's hard to share something like this. [The tears are still coming, and she's not wiping them away.]

Thank you so much for sharing it with me.

[... is it really something to thank him for? it just feels like he's selfishly doing something putting this on someone else.

either way, he hesitates, seems to come back to himself a bit, and reaches up a hand to the tears coming down her cheeks.]

Really... you should be saving these...

[he's really not someone people should cry over?]

I have a lot more where those came from. [She says, with a watery sort of smile.]

And you... you've been through so much, why wouldn't I cry? Why wouldn't anyone cry, hearing about that?

Probably... because enough people know I still do a lot of unsavory and unnecessary things. "Ah, of course he's no good. Just look at where he's come from," or something like that?

Admittedly, I've also never really explained. People will just assume as they want and they're not always wrong to do so.

[this is the smile that fits so nicely on his face, you know he's been in so much practice with it--for how long? covering what? people don't tend to ask.]

Edited 2020-04-19 21:58 (UTC)

.... people will say whatever they want, but that doesn't mean you have to accept that. It doesn't mean you deserve it. [She sees that smile, and she doesn't want to.]

[haaa... what he deserves...]

Right before that machine brought me into the Foundation, I was being arrested. The evidence of my crimes hidden away for four years resurfaced.

... the timing is just really appropriate, I think. So... even if I were to die in this place...

[hahaha his rap sheet is so lengthy.]

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