Opinions without 3.1415 are just Onions (Week1 post trial)

[ghostricked]

After everything, the house seems almost too still and too mundane. At least as long as the doors to that room remain closed. One by one those covered in what was once their teammate are lead to the showers or change in silence. There is no warm meal waiting for them. No words of encouragement.

Life goes on, regardless.

Comments

[boardreversal]

Well...yeah. But there's a level of 'bad' that becomes your new 'fine', right?

[S...poken from experience...?]

It's easier to appreciate the good, even in a terrible situation like this. At least, that's how I see it.

[More like how he keeps himself sane - by compartmentalizing and being optimistic, otherwise he would have broken entirely on the second game.]

[cw_suicide]

[there's a facial twitch at that first line.

like the smile is almost being forced to make way for another, not as pleasant expression.

but then the smile stabilizes.]

I guess when all you've got is a knock on the head and a small cut, it's easy to say that sort of thing.

[he can't entirely keep the spite from leaking into his words--why is it fine for him to say something like that but he comes at Dazai the way he has when he says something similar???]

[boardreversal]

[He never said he wasn't a hypocrite, my dude. Or that he doesn't have a boatload of trauma he hasn't even yet begun to unpack.

Still, he laughs.]

I guess I'm just that kind of idiot, huh? Ihihihihi.

[He's not dumb - he can hear that spite.

But, it's easier to pretend it's alright - for now.

That wound Dazai carries is still there under it all, still festering away. Even if he takes a break, for just a moment...it's not going anywhere.]

...Actually, how are you healing? Knife wounds take a while to recover, right?

[cw_suicide]

Shallower stab wounds can take up to ten days to heal enough to go without bandages. Wounds in the torso can be troublesome, but since they hit my left side there's less issues--it's low enough it missed the liver, at least. So I'd estimate roughly double that plus time to build up muscle strength in that region to avoid hernias or something lame like that.

[says it all almost by rote because haha he knows so much about the caretaking of these wounds...]

[boardreversal]

[Yeah, he's...frowning at that, because he doesn't miss the rote-ness of it all.]

Used to getting stabbed, Dazai-san?

[Dude...Then again...]

I can't say I know all that much about it. I mean - the last time I was stabbed, it didn't end at there.

[He says it so casually, but...he's remembering the last time he met Lucifer, in the middle of the third game.

...and forgetting that, well. He hadn't talked about his past with Dazai before, in his haste to commiserate.]

But that ended up being reversed anyway, so...

[cw_suicide]

[... hold up.




is Mister Magic Isn't Real saying something as off-putting as "I was stabbed to death but I got better"?????

this incredulous, blank stare is for you, Battler.]

[boardreversal]

[Technically, he's been blown up once, eaten alive by goats (representing an explosion), repeatedly turned into a pile of meat by 7 demonic stakes that are also anime girls, and shot in the face by a very upset aunt (not rosa).

For as much as battler claims Magic Doesn't Real, he sure has been the subject of a lot of it.

He blinks, tilting his head.]

...Did I say something weird? I mean, all I said was -

[He pauses, suddenly realizing what his big mouth did.

...........fuck.]

[cw_suicide]

................ you are never allowed to give me shit about being flippant about my injuries again.

[the fuck, indeed!]

[boardreversal]

[Siiiiigh...he really screwed up, didn't he? He at least looks sheepish as he nods.]

Fine, I guess...But it wasn't like I had to wait to heal up from all of that.

[UNLIKE A CERTAIN SOMEONE ELSE...]

[cw_suicide]

Maybe you wouldn't be so flippant about it if you had any consequences from it.

[the barest hint of a snap because like... he might be desensitized from it but he actually had to not only experience the pain but all the long agonizing days and weeks that followed???

part of him knows that's probably not fair--psychology doesn't work like, but emotions bad. suddenly wishing no emotions again. why can't he even do this right?]

[boardreversal]

[Instead of snapping back, Battler just...wilts, a little, nodding.]

...You're probably right. Sorry, Dazai-san.

[There's a lot he could say - just that even if there were no consequences, he still had to experience every moment of the pain, both mental and physical. The knowledge that there wasn't anything he could do against the Stakes, or the deaths his 'piece' self faced on the board....Who's memories he also had, along with the 'him' who was above the board.

....But, Dazai-san probably did suffer more than he had, so...he's right.]

[cw_suicide]

[...

so, anyway.

the one time Dazai allows himself to follow through with a want to slap this man across the face.]

... if you're going to agree with me, put some more thought into it first.

[old habits. not great ones, either, but he's... keeping it reined in... somewhat]

1/2

[boardreversal]

[He reels back, obviously - bringing a hand to where he was slapped and staring wide-eyed at the other man.]

....

[boardreversal]

[But then -

Instead of getting angry, or shouting - like he would with anyone else - he just...

looks at Dazai, with a sad expression. Those eyes...

'...I've....seen those eyes before.
Dazai-san...']

...Right. No, you're...right, that has to be pretty infuriating for you, Dazai-san. I'll..keep it in mind.

[cw_suicide]

[the want to just KICK HIM IN THE FACE NOW but that's just... not... what he does. anymore. he doesn't do that anymore. it's pointless. all it is is using someone else as a way to vent and even that's pointless because it doesn't change anything and it's really all. just. so. pointless.]

... you might be a glutton for punishment, but sadism got old for me years ago.

[smdh. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?]

[boardreversal]

[THERE ARE MANY REASONS AS TO WHY HE'S LIKE THIS. MANY, MANY REASONS.

But when Dazai says that...Battler laughs, oddly enough.]

I'm glad. You're not - like someone else I know.

[Beatrice. He means Beatrice.]

And it's not like I'm okay with you slapping me. But...I understand why you're doing it.

I won't accept it all the time. But, right now...I get it.

[cw_suicide]

Correction: I was and can be that sort of person.

Don't just determine someone is a certain way just because it feels comfortable for you. If I didn't have other objectives, I probably wouldn't mind playing out this scene in that fashion.

[HOW DARE YOU TRY TO SAY HE IS GOOD WHEN HE HAS NOT BEEN THE SLIGHTEST GOOD WITH YOU???]

[boardreversal]

But you're trying not to be, right?

[And that, in his mind, makes all the difference.]

Even if you were like that in the past, and could be like that now...you don't want to be like that anymore, do you?

...You could have done way worse to me than a slap. But you didn't. You could be awful to everyone else here, but you aren't.

[He's not dumb - he sees things. He sees how Dazai interacts with other people, and even if their own relationship is rocky...]

...And I'd rather you be awful to me than to anyone else, because I can take it.

[cw_suicide]

[there's a tense stillness that screams that Dazai's wanting to lash out. but so much of it doesn't really have anything to do with Battler at all, and that last comment...]

Ah, is that so.

Then I refuse to be so kind.

Besides which, we both know who I'd much rather be awful to, don't we?

[ha. HA. joke's on you, buddy, you can't out-self-loathe this guy.]

[boardreversal]

['...This again?'

He can't help but think that as Dazai states the usual. Yes, he's suicidal. Yes, he clearly loathes himself, but -

This time, Battler doesn't react.]

...Yeah, I know. But -

[...]

...Is that...really the truth...?

[cw_suicide]

[wow.]

Of course it is. Why wouldn't it be?

[boardreversal]

[The look he gives is a skeptical one, but it's...

Also a look of someone starting to figure out the pattern to how this works. It might take him a while, but...]

...If you say so, Dazai-san.

[There's also, still...something bothering him, but he'll leave it for now.]

[cw_suicide]

... this definitely shows some brain damage from that fall.

[you're still doing the thing and i still want to kick your face.]