THE FINAL INTRO.

[foundationmods]

[After so
long
a
trip, you're all finally here. Ta-

Ta-

Taken through a hidden passag e inside of the very mOUntain itself, you-you-you find yourself

find yourself

find you rse lf

Fi nd y o u r s e l f




Determination.





Welcome back.

...

It's quiet here.

It'll be quiet here forever.

just like the rest of the universe

if you can't stop this



please stop it.]

Comments

[cw_suicide]

Except it is! Do you think I like being like this? When the spider's on me, it helps--even just a little!

I'm not as selfless as you keep thinking, Hitoka!

[accessorytomurder]

Then look at me and swear that this isn't you tr-trying to atone!

[cw_suicide]

[this would be a FATALITY except not because uh verbal spats]

... it's not the only reason.

[accessorytomurder]

...It never is.

[UH.

That... that's... a little bitter...]

But it's always the backbone of it, i-isn't it? Not... not hope, or care. But, but to balance a scale you n-never even ask the other side if they want balanced. Because you... you think if there's a cost, or a risk, that i-it's better for you to pay it.

[onemolife]

[ get him girl! ]

[cw_suicide]

You're still being too generous, thinking too well of me.

I'm not Wuxian. I don't want to balance scales. The scales will never balance out, in the first place. In the second place, they were always out of balance from the start.

But how can I repair the damage? Even after the past four years, even after the Winchester house--I managed. But now...?

[the bigger issue is one of his big pillars for Reasons To Live just got brutally hijacked and murdered without his say]

[accessorytomurder]

It's... it's not something simple. But... Step 1 is for you to stop treating the people who love you like props.

[cw_suicide]

... what's that supposed to mean?

[genuinely, he doesn't understand]

[accessorytomurder]

We have mouths and brains of our own. If you wrong us, we get to decide if you owe us reparations, or how far you go to pay them. Have you even said a word to Nakajima Atsushi, since coming back? Have you listened to him, rather than your own guilt complex?

[cw_suicide]

We talked. He's already said he doesn't blame me and I believe that. Even ignoring his issues with just accepting things from Dazai Osamu, I can believe he doesn't hold me accountable for what happened.

In fact, he's the kind of person who blames himself for not even noticing something was wrong.

[accessorytomurder]

But you can believe him and still think he's wrong, is the part you're not saying.

[cw_suicide]

They were still my hands.

[accessorytomurder]

...and if they had been mine?

[cw_suicide]

[he's quiet for a long moment, because he gets the argument. he does. he knows it's the rational way to look at things, but still.]

... why... do I have to be rational about this?

[it comes out so quietly, a little brokenly, like a kid about to start to cry except crying never really changes much of anything.]

[accessorytomurder]

Do you only want me for as long as I'm 'pure,' Osamu? Only when I'm bright. Wh-when I'm pleasant? When my... my hands are clean?

[cw_suicide]

... no.

[accessorytomurder]

Am I worthless if I get tricked? Am I trash if, if I get u-used?

[cw_suicide]

No...

[accessorytomurder]

Are you sure?

[cw_suicide]

... foolish, maybe, not worthless or trash.

[if he's gonna be honest.]

[accessorytomurder]

Well, I've known from the start Osamu can be a big fool, sometimes. So, I'm telling you, it's the same in your case too.

[cw_suicide]

[... yeah, that's not wrong.]

[accessorytomurder]

I'm telling you that, Osamu. Not asking. So have faith in me, at least, even if you have none for yourself.

[cw_suicide]

... it was pointless. What happened.

It was pointless and I know rationalizing it isn't going to change that.

But still...

[accessorytomurder]

We're in a timeloop. It's been pointless and terrible every time.

[But still.]

Don't do what you couldn't stand to see me do. I—um. I'd... I'd lose it, if something happened to you. You know that.