thefoundation | THE FINAL INTRO.

[She hears those words and Himeko immediately hops off the bed and heads towards the door to both wrap a sock around the handle and then close the door, locking it.]

-- okay, there.

Yoshi will at least know not to come in for a bit, and I think Atsushi should also be able to get the hint. I hope.

[Although... whether either of them get the wrong hint is... another thing entirely...

Nevertheless, she goes back onto the bed, taking a seat with her legs crossed, her posture completely straight, like a model's.]

Anyway - go ahead.

[~~Inaba???~~ Karen has questions, but chooses not to ask them.]

All right.

[...]

Now that I'm here, I'm not sure where to begin. I suppose...

How much do you know about when I died?

I was watching.

[...]

So basically, I saw pretty much everything - at least regarding that in particular. Anything that happened while you were dead, I don't know.

That's what I thought.

[She takes a deep breath.]

For the first week after the execution, I was "asleep." The only memories I have of that time, up until the beginning of Watanuki-san's trial, are Vinea's. At that point I "woke up," though apparently we were in his dream, so I suppose that isn't really the right word.

And at first, I felt good about it. It was a calming place, completely different from the last thing I'd experienced. Watanuki-san was there, and before long, Shadow-san was, too.

... no, I think that makes sense.

Honestly, I think everyone else who died had it worse dead than I did, back at the Hotel. I kind of feel a little bad.

[There's hints of guilt in her expression, but it's not something too terribly heavy before shaking her head.]

But... you said 'at first', so - continue?

Well, from then on out, I watched everything happen in "real time" through Vinea's eyes. There were a few things that happened on "our" side, but most of the time there wasn't much to do except watch what she did, and think about things.

And I came to two realizations.

One was that just because we didn't have a piece of evidence in the first trial that definitively linked Kino-san to the murder, didn't mean it didn't exist. There might have been something out there that we could have found, if only someone else had thought to investigate the right place. If someone who didn't investigate at all had, maybe.

The other was that, after the initial shock of meeting her, most people seemed to accept Vinea. Nobody saw her as just a twisted version of their friend. And there was a reason for that.

... Right.

[She nods to Karen's words; she knows full well that missing a piece of evidence can make or break a case, especially in a situation like this.]

'A reason', huh...

To be honest, if I was in that situation, I don't know if I could accept it.

[Seeing 'a completely different person' take over someone that they knew is twisted, and the idea of it, well... it bothers her quite a bit.]

Anyway, what reason would that be?

It's pretty simple, when you think about it. Obvious, even.

[Karen looks away.]

I was never their "friend" to begin with. I was just some girl who died, and maybe some of them felt guilty about it, but it wasn't like I was really someone they knew. In fact, if they brought us all back to life, it would be me who was a stranger in Vinea's body.

[.....]

I'm sorry, but I'm going to be blunt here.

Isn't that presumptuous of you to assume something like that without actually speaking to them about it? Actually - have you even spoken to any of them about it?

It isn't just presumptuous, it's objectively wrong. I know Syaoran-san definitely considered me a friend. Gebura-san... we weren't really "friends," as such, but she knew me, I wasn't a "stranger" to her. I knew that even then. Looking back, I'm sure at least Takumi-san thought of me as a friend, too.

But I also knew that as they struggled together, she was the one who was there with them. She was definitely their friend. She thought so, too.

That sounds like... jealousy? It's also a pretty strange situation to be in.

I'll try to talk about this in a more objective manner, since my biases wouldn't help you out here.

[And if she can displace her personal feelings from the situation, it's much easier to dissect.]

... but is that such a bad thing?

People can be friends with two people. Hell - a bunch of us are friends with people who have duplicates of each other. Like all of the Akiras and Ren. And you already know that I'm friends with both Atsushis.

It's like that, I think. They considered both 'Minazuki Karen' and 'Vinea' as two separate personalities. [...] I guess it'd be something similar to what Fukawa goes through...?

So, isn't it fine? There shouldn't be any issues. Just because you weren't there and she was - that doesn't change the value of the friendship. You can't weigh one against the other just because "oh, she was the one doing everything" or "she was the one who was with them the most". If someone thinks like that... I can't say that I agree with them. It's wrong.

Relationships don't work like that. Whether it's as acquaintances, friends, or something more. And if there's someone thinking about the measure of your worth like that - it's wrong. That also includes comparing yourself to Vinea. Because even if it was a 'warped persona', it was something that was manufactured. It was not you. It's like saying that "someone" who shows certain aspects of my "personality" and looks like me while I am not in control is the same as me.

Edited 2020-09-13 22:41 (UTC)

No, you're right, I was absolutely jealous. Why shouldn't I have been? She wasn't a "duplicate" of me, she was literally in my body, with parts of my personality. If anyone has ever had the right to be jealous of somebody, I think I did.

[She chooses not to point out that this whole speech would have been a lot more helpful a year and a half ago than it is now.

Instead, she sighs.]

And in the end, that was the problem, that she wasn't just someone who looked and acted similar to me. Maybe "Vinea" wasn't "Karen" at all, from a philosophical standpoint, but speaking practically, she was a warped version of me. Or actually, from what I understand about how it works, it might be more accurate to say "I" was the way that "Vinea" was warped.

But either way, we were tied together. On both sides people had ideas about how to save both of us, but nobody found a way, and I think that's because there wasn't one. Our existences were mutually exclusive--in the end, only one of us could live.

[Karen takes a deep breath.]

I thought it should be her.

... I get it.

[Her voice is quiet as her gaze lowers to the floor in front of herself and the bed, hands flat on her lap.

This conversation reminds her of one that she can barely even believe happened almost over two years ago.

"My identity is based on both my personality and my apearance. Without one or the other, it's not really 'me' anymore. I have to have both. I almost lost sight of who I am once before... but then a certain someone helped me find myself again, and now I'm proud to be the persion I am."

"Besides, I could never live with the guilt of killing somoene's soul and taking over their [body]! That's way too heavy."

Hands move to her sides, onto the mattress as she uses them as leverage to stare up at the ceiling.]

Neither of you knew.

If there wasn't a way - that's not something that you can blame on yourself. It isn't your fault. It wasn't from the very start. The fault always lied with the witch that made the decision to do that to you.

[The last few words are a little impassive, but honest.]

I know. I know it isn't my fault. I didn't even have a say in the decision to bring me back. And--for a while I thought there wasn't a "fault" at all, that for all intents and purposes I was both "Karen" and "Vinea." But I'm not her, not really. I can remember being her, but I can't think like her. She's gone forever and I'm here instead.

[It may be clear to Inaba now why Karen reacted badly to Cinque essentially calling her "the wrong blue-haired magical girl."

She smiles weakly.]

Have I worn out my welcome yet?

Having no agency in 'being brought back to life' is...

[The idea of not having a choice is bullshit, to be honest. But she shakes her head.]

But - nah. You haven't. Although we probably shouldn't keep this conversation going for too long. At least, not in here.

I'll get right to the point, then.

I'm terrified. I don't understand what's happening, I don't know what to do, and I can't shake the feeling that there's something I need to be doing that I've missed.

... honestly - I think it's hard for a bunch of people to wrap their heads around the situation.

[With everything that's happened thus far.

Even if the memories are muddled in some spots, there's enough for her to pick up on.]

Like I said before... if you don't know what to do, just do what comes naturally. Don't force yourself just because you want to be more productive; it'll just wind up being counter to that.

...Inaba, I didn't just decide I needed to be more helpful. I've been doing what comes naturally.

That's why I said to don't force yourself too much. If that's what you want to do that's one thing, but...

THE FINAL INTRO.

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cw: suicidal ideation (sort of)

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1/2

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