[CONTINUE + 2] Week 1 || Act: mingle

[foundationmods]

Monday comes onto the snowy town once more, though it still looks as if it's 'night' as ever.

Then again, you are underground. That's just to be expected, considering no natural light can get down here in the first place. The Monsters around you are just as friendly as ever, despite this being your third 'time' trying this monday.

There doesn't seem to be many Monsters here...or at least, you think there was more before? Huh.

Well, whatever.

You still have a mission - And with two trials under your belt, you're now a little closer to figuring things out.

...How much longer will this repeat?

FUN VALUE: 3
Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday
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Comments

[homeecspacecop]

I'm too gloomy, I always say the wrong thing, I'm a terrible friend, and even when people know about Drew it still looks like I'm talking to myself all the time. I've had a miserable life and no one wants to deal with that.

[soupervillain]

Have you ever asked anyone if they wanted to deal with it?

[homeecspacecop]

People don't even want to stay friends with me once they realize how messed up I am. [So, no.]

[finalring]

Giovanni is... unique in how he expresses it, but I think that he’s right. And besides, I believe that no one here is “normal”. So at the very least, finding a friend among those in this group is very possible.

[homeecspacecop]

It's not about being normal. People just... don't like me.

[oceanicbutterfly]

I'd want to stay friends with you.

[Granted, this may be because she doesn't have enough of them to be able to spare any.]

[homeecspacecop]

[Why is everyone ganging up on him???]

No you wouldn't! People always say that, and then--

[moonlightalter]

I think you fail to realize just how messed up some of the people here are. You're in like-minded company.

[homeecspacecop]

That has nothing to do with it. It doesn't make anyone more likely to like anyone else.

[cw_suicide]

There is no chance you are any worse than me.

[low bar. LOWEST bar.]

[homeecspacecop]

It's not about worse. You can't compare things like that, or how people react to it.

[dereban]

There are plenty of us with 'messed up' mindsets, [herself included, but let's not go there because she is not getting dogpiled this party, thank you very much] so it isn't as if you're alone in that front...

Besides - you're already making bad assumptions of everyone; don't you think that's unfair to say something like that without even hearing our opinion on whether we'd want to be, much less stay friends with you?

[homeecspacecop]

Maybe it is! Maybe it is unfair, maybe I'm just being a horrible person! But no one here is close enough to me to say something like "stay friends with you"! You all have all your friends, and your boyfriends, and whatever! I don't have anyone, and I never will, because every single time I try to make friends with people I ruin everything!

[dereban]

. . .

[This sure is relatable, to the point where her breath catches slightly. She closes her eyes, trying to think. What is it that they would say?

Her closest, most beloved friends?]

Then, let me revise what I said: if we're not close... then I'd like to be. I want to. Even if you might be already giving up on yourself, I don't want to give up on you - on making the attempt at being your friend.

Because if anything, I don't believe that you'll ruin everything. You might believe that, but I won't.

So I refuse to not make that attempt at being your friend.

[homeecspacecop]

But I always do! [She doesn't get it, yet.]

Any time I try, I just end up hurting people! I'm weird, and gloomy, and always say the wrong thing, and I have no idea how to be friends with people, or how to make anyone else happy! Even when other people try to be my friend, I still hurt them and they just leave!

So it's not worth it to anyone to try!

1 / 2

[dereban]

[Just going to be quiet and listen to this.]

[dereban]

... are you done yet?

[Her voice is so, so dry, like the Sahara before he gets a light karate chop to the head - unless he dodges it.]

I will say that I'm a hypocrite for saying this. But - you can't go through life without hurting anyone, and it's not like I'm a fucking expert at making friends, or having significant others or anything! Hell, I'm just coasting through life day by day not knowing constantly what to do!

But that's a risk you have to take, when you want to become friends with someone. That you might hurt them sometimes... [She recalls the words she read on paper.] ... but I'm selfish, and I want to. to me, 'making each other happy', or rather, the purposeful act of it, isn't what I care about, when it comes to friends. I don't want to push that sort of thinking onto anyone. That isn't fair at all.

Besides, [she smiles, bitterly] I'm a rather dark person myself. Everyone makes mistakes - that's only normal. Whether it's saying the 'wrong' thing or not. nd sometimes, there isn't exactly a 'right' thing to say.

And... I don't think it's possible for anyone to hurt me more than I've already hurt myself, so it's okay. I think that even if you say it isn't worth it, I'll disagree with that through and through; you haven't given me any reason not to, after all.

[homeecspacecop]

[He takes that karate chop, but then there's a flash of bared fangs in response, eyes glinting blue for a second. Then he's just frowning, eyes the same green as normal as he looks down, looks away.]

But I don't want to hurt people. [He doesn't know exactly how to explain it.] I'd rather not be happy than risk hurting someone else, or let someone else hurt me.

[Is that it? But being alone hurts, watching everyone else have people they care about hurts.]

I hate this.

[dereban]

Nobody wants to be hurt.

[There's a clear cut emphasis on that, as her voice steadies. But there's something sad in her voice, akin to longing, yearning; slight tinges of desperation.]

But - life sucks hard. It's not perfect and everyone fucks up, makes mistakes sometimes. And sometimes those mistakes will potentially hurt other people...

[Her breath shakes, slightly, as she hangs her head.]

And it's not something pretty, or nice at all... But that's why - people try to put the attempt into trsuting each other, into trying to work together, talk things out... because being alone cuts even deeper and hurts even more.

Being unhappy forever and shutting yourself from others though - it won't work out. It can't. People need others. "No man is an island."

[Even softer now:]

I... can't stand it, seeing someone suffer the same way I did... I don't want you to have to push everyone away just to be selfless, or kind. Is that unfair of me to ask for someone else's happiness?

To want to share that?

[homeecspacecop]

But--- [But he's not worth it, not to other people. His own pain, as much and as huge as it is to him, is something he's always been willing to take on to be... selfless, or kind. His own life has never, will never, be worth as much as anyone else's. It's the same for his happiness.

What does he do, when someone is concerned about him? It's been a long time since he's had to think about that.]

Sorry. [He says, because he doesn't know what his other options are.] It's not... unfair. It's not wrong to want other people to be happy.

But there are so many other people-- [People who aren't him. People who deserve to be happy.]

[dereban]

[She shakes her head in response to the apology.]

It's not.

But it doesn't matter if there's so many other people. They're not you. And more importantly... everyone deserves a chance at happiness. It's not wrong to want other people to be happy. And it's especially not wrong to want yourself to be happy, either.

That kind of thing - it isn't selfish at all, okay?

[romancekiller]

I could say the same thing about myself— it seems like a lot of others are of that mindset too so you're not alone in that.

[homeecspacecop]

That doesn't have anything to do with anything! We're all messed up! Everyone knows that! But that doesn't mean we get along with each other, or that we're more likely to care about or trust each other!

[romancekiller]

No, you're right, it doesn't mean automatically mean that but at the same time you're already making the assumption that I don't want to be your friend too. [much like the other assumptions he made about her earlier but hey guess what chuuta? she's not holding that against you]

[homeecspacecop]

You've had years to try if you wanted to be my friend! Don't come here now that I'm upset about things pretending like you actually care!