[She laughs a little awkwardly, scratching the side of her cheek.]
I'm the same, but I know how to moderate myself. I'm not going to run in the face of danger when I know I have to protect myself... which is kind of ironic, given how many times I volunteered during the gameshow.
[Another laugh, but this time it's bitter.]
But I had my own, personal reasons for that back then. A lot of them really selfish. [She won't deny her own selfishness.] I... used to push people together, back home. Because they were my friends -
[...]
- my only friends. I didn't just hold back my feelings. I threw them away, out of some stupid fear that I'd lose the first people I could actually call that. And sometimes I think about just tossing those emotions aside so I can focus on saving everyone. Seeing them all break like that week by week, with how scared everyone is about the potential of losing someone important to us - not even gone just simply by memories, but the existence...
It's hard.
[And that's when she sighs, staring up at the ceiling of the Underground, how she can see the colors right there.]
We both got a second - third, whatever chance. Sure, it's unfair that we're the ones who can get those chances -
[As someone who overthinks things a lot, there's always the question that hangs in the air of 'why us', the guilt that pangs in her chest whenever another monster's name is lost into the void, how they're even losing more and more of to the abyss...
Will they, one day, lose his existence, too?
If that happens... will any traces of how she died, that second time also disappear?
...
She kind of hates herself for the briefest thoughts of relief that are mixed in with worry and frustration.
Shaking those thoughts aside, she smiles, thinly. Warmly.]
I think that's just... [she stops herself from saying 'human', but the implication still lies there] ...the way it is, isn't it? We can't remain stagnant. We grow, we change, every single day. We don't stop, because there's no such thing as perfection. After all, we're flawed creatures.
But you're right - we have each other's backs to rely on. We can work on things together, figure things out together. None of us are alone anymore.
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[She laughs a little awkwardly, scratching the side of her cheek.]
I'm the same, but I know how to moderate myself. I'm not going to run in the face of danger when I know I have to protect myself... which is kind of ironic, given how many times I volunteered during the gameshow.
[Another laugh, but this time it's bitter.]
But I had my own, personal reasons for that back then. A lot of them really selfish. [She won't deny her own selfishness.] I... used to push people together, back home. Because they were my friends -
[...]
- my only friends. I didn't just hold back my feelings. I threw them away, out of some stupid fear that I'd lose the first people I could actually call that. And sometimes I think about just tossing those emotions aside so I can focus on saving everyone. Seeing them all break like that week by week, with how scared everyone is about the potential of losing someone important to us - not even gone just simply by memories, but the existence...
It's hard.
[And that's when she sighs, staring up at the ceiling of the Underground, how she can see the colors right there.]
We both got a second - third, whatever chance. Sure, it's unfair that we're the ones who can get those chances -
[As someone who overthinks things a lot, there's always the question that hangs in the air of 'why us', the guilt that pangs in her chest whenever another monster's name is lost into the void, how they're even losing more and more of
Will they, one day, lose his existence, too?
If that happens... will any traces of how she died, that second time also disappear?
...
She kind of hates herself for the briefest thoughts of relief that are mixed in with worry and frustration.
Shaking those thoughts aside, she smiles, thinly. Warmly.]
I think that's just... [she stops herself from saying 'human', but the implication still lies there] ...the way it is, isn't it? We can't remain stagnant. We grow, we change, every single day. We don't stop, because there's no such thing as perfection. After all, we're flawed creatures.
But you're right - we have each other's backs to rely on. We can work on things together, figure things out together. None of us are alone anymore.