thefoundation | From the white lights, the darkness comes...

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round 5

From the white lights, the darkness comes...

Today's trial was a mixture of regret, anger, guilt, and second-thoughts. Perhaps some people realized that situations and choices weren't to be black or white. However, decisions were made, and whether it'd be through people keeping secrets or causing a ton of chaos...everyone could probably agree on one thing:

They've made their choices and no matter what happened in the coming days, they will lie in the beds they made for themselves. Whatever that should mean for each and every single person still living here.

That being said, there's still new choices to make. In the days to come, what will those be?

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Yes, but it did break through bone, you know. The shoulder area has a lot of them.

...

[She makes an uncomfortable little tense expression, before writing:

"Well, I'm glad it wasn't worse for you."]

Yeah...I'm pretty lucky. Thank you.

[ and now he's incredibly useless. not that he wants to give anyone ideas, though. ]

[a short little nod.]

...

[She writes:

"Has your opinion on me changed, Dr.?"]

[ well if this isn't a loaded question... ]

To be honest, I believe my opinion of everyone has changed. But that doesn't necessarily mean that it has taken a bad turn, either. I've learned so much about other people by being with you all. So I'm...grateful for this.

...

[She'll write more... she's taking her time about it:

"I hope you can appreciate I'm making an effort. I didn't take my gun out last time. That was because it was making you nervous."]

Right. Just me.

[ he's not going to argue, because he'd rather keep rosa happy. ]

Well, I'm glad to know that you and Battler both are still alive. I'm sure you must be happy to see that he is alright.

...

[At hearing that, she starts to tear up and cry... not loud, but her body shaking with held-back sobs.]

Rosa--?

[ aaah he messed up, didn't he? he tries to lean forward, but pulls back when he feels the shock of pain ]

What's wrong? I-I'm sorry if I said something bad.

[She holds her eyes shut, wetness sneaking out, as she tried to hold in emotion. Lips trembling. She tried to write:

"I'm sorry, Dr... Battler's all I have and I love him so very much... but I'm watching him turn into such a... hurt... person.

And it breaks my heart."

She turned it around so he could read.]

[ there's a hundred things that come to romani's mind as he sees that message, and not many of them are nice. he supposes that either battler finally stood up to his aunt (in which case, he supposes that battler will also be hurting as well) or she's finding another way to make herself into a victim.

or both.

the possibilities are endless, actually. but, one way or another, she was probably hurting as well, even if it was by a situation that she had, most likely, created herself. ]

I think that we are all grieving, Rosa. What happened to Rin is something that definitely hurt him, and... the things that he has seen here are enough to traumatize anyone, no matter their age or psychological state. Even though it hurts to see him that way, we must do our best to continue being his support. And sometimes, that means stepping away.

...

[Her cries slowly stop, and she wipes her face. She takes back her paper. She writes:

"I'm sorry... please understand, I'm not blaming you. I argued. The argument ended. I did everything in my power. That was not enough. I can... understand."

Oh, god, could she understand. She was used to being powerless, after all.

"But, I don't think you understand Battler. He said things to me that were profoundly disturbing. Things which no one else would understand."

A slight pause, then she adds:

"Tell me Dr, do you believe in witchcraft?"]

[ ... oh boy another loaded question.

he tries to keep a secret the fact that he knows what she's about to tell him--he had heard this from battler himself, after all. ]

I'm...familiar with that sort of thing, yeah.

[She nods. She turns her notepad back around, then... takes her time, as if deciding her word choice, before writing... and writing... until she flips it back:

"My Father, Battler's Grandfather, believed in witchcraft. He devoted a sizable amount of his fortune, his time, and his love and emotions into it. So much so he had none left to spare for any of the rest of his family. We all even had a name and eventually a face for what he was trying to do: use occult spells to summon his beautiful and beloved witch, Beatrice. I knew it. My siblings knew it. My mother knew it.

Then, what does it say, that after Rin-chan dies, Battler tells me he's beginning to understand Father's motivations...? It makes one such as I very, very scared. It raises itself as a red flag. Maybe... maybe it is worrisome. Though, maybe not."

A long pause, then she added:

"I would like very much for Battler to walk out of here with me."

Then, she turns it all around for him to see.]

Right...the ghost story from your island.

[ romani taps the table a couple times with his good hand, deep in thought about something.

he takes a deep breath, and nods. ]

I think that he is grieving. And he needs to be given time and space to do so, Rosa, especially in this situation. He grew very close to Rin in a short time, and having her taken away...well, I can't imagine the sort of pain he's in. That's why I'm suggesting to give him some time and space. I'm sure that he will appreciate it as well when it is time to leave.

[She tenses, remembering how she had to tell him... then writes a little addition:

"It's just a story. There was no Beatrice."

Just ignore how tense her hand is when she writes and shows that to him.

She tries to let it dissipate with her next breath, and after he sees it, she writes more:

"I need to apologize to him, at least. I'll never be able to forgive myself if I don't.

If I die tomorrow I don't want my last thought to be regrets about not apologizing to Battler."]

Of course, there’s no Beatrice.

[ and he won’t mention her shaking hand either. however, he does raise an eyebrow at her statement. ]

Why do you think you’d die tomorrow? I’m sure that we will make it out of here.

[ but his smile is somewhat forced as he says this, as he’s clearly trying to cheer her up. ]

...

[She couldn't help feeling a spike of anxiety there as his words triggered her danger signals... it was too much what she wanted to hear. Therefore, there had to be some catch. Something going on beyond the face value of the words, even if she couldn't see it.

But rather than write anything, she'll just point to her stitches.]

[ well in response to that, romani gives he a sheepish smile.

and points to his arm that is currently in a makeshift sling. ]

We're on the same boat, then. Not only that, but I've all but failed to prove myself as a leader these past few days. I'm sure that between you and me, I'm the one that would end up as a sacrifice.

...

[She can't help watching his face, then, will start writing her reply.

And writing.

And writing...

After a good thirty seconds she turns her notepad back. She holds it so he can read her words:

"Actually, on that note, there's something I wanted to confirm with you.

Your response that you voted for Rin-chan to give her a 'mercy killing'...

That was a lie, wasn't it?

You don't need to vocalize your response. Tap your finger on the table and I'll pass you some paper so you can write a reply.

I have no interest in revenge or sullying your reputation, Dr. It is merely important I know."]

Wha...

[ that question makes him stop on his tracks, the relaxed expression quickly replaced with something more serious, with a tinge of anxiety. ]

What are you...trying to imply? And why?

[She shrugs. Then starts writing more, a lot more:

"It simply doesn't pass the smell test, as they say. We knew how painful the executions were going to be by then. You can't claim ignorance.

But, even if you want to say 'someone had to be chosen besides Zabuza, and Rin deserved a rest from the horror that's happening here, even if it was painful in method, the outcome was the same'...

Killing Rin made Rin into a ghost.

The ghosts are suffering.

I talked with Zabuza-san's ghost, briefly. The big, strong, ninja.

He begged me to kill him. If there was anything that could end the existence of the ghosts permanently, he said: do it. Right away. No hesitation. I had no choice but to promise him I would.

If a big strong ninja who can barely fight the strength of the miasma long enough to beg a weak, crippled woman to kill him is suffering so much... what about Rin? It makes me think giving her a 'mercy kill' would do the exact opposite.

I imply nothing. I merely ask.

You are a smart man, so I cannot believe you simply didn't connect that Rin would suffer as a ghost. That Rin would no longer be our friend and would come after us with a vengeance as a ghost.

So, that I why I wanted to confirm.

Do you still claim you just didn't think about how a dead Rin would still suffer, compared to a living Rin? Or did you have something else in mind?

--I'll suffix this with a note that I myself was serious with what I just said. Rin's tried to kill me since then. Getting some revenge against those who voted for her is the last thing on my mind.

I simply want to know, in case the question of 'should we have a leader?' comes up again. It reflects on your decision making."

She turns it around so he can see... holding it out of his reach to nab hit, subtly.]

....

[ she, unfortunately, drives a hard point. and, of course, the idea of giving rin a merciful death does not go hand in hand with her state as a ghost. if anything, it'd be like putting her in a constant, endless torture.

and the fact that he even did that...

it still hurts him greatly, far more than the injury on his shoulder. just by closing his eyes, he can still see her death like it was happening right in front of him again. the blood, the screams, the corpse--

but he couldn't take it back. and he wouldn't take it back. ]

Correct. I chose Rin because it was the most logical decision. But do not think that my care for her was fake in any way either or that it was revenge for anything. Voting for her hurt. It was a horrible decision to make.

...

[She honestly wasn't considering he'd admit to it. She expected him to scurry away and deny. Now that he had confessed, her expression... softens, just a bit. Face tinged with embarrassment.]

...

[She'll go back to writing, before turning it to show him:

"I understand, Dr. I know it must have been a hard decision. Sorry for putting you on the spot, but I had to know. For my own peace of mind."]

Edited 2020-05-13 02:30 (UTC)

[ that's all that can be done now, no? keep our peace of mind.

romani nods, his troubled expression settling slightly into something more neutral as he stands up. ]

Of course...that's understandable, Rosa. [ he pauses. ] Is there anything else?

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golden_dream - 2020-05-13 03:53 (UTC) - Expand

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