dr. romani archaman (
finalring) wrote in
thefoundation2020-05-02 07:08 pm
Entry tags:
the truth is, everyone wishes to be saved.

The execution has come and passed with the death of two more Agents. However time moves on without cease and so must the living. There are no celebrations, only the silence that grows heavier and heavier with every day and the feeling that something is pleased with what it has done.
There are two more days before the new week arrives: what will you do?

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The way she spoke, the way she held herself, it seemed to me as though... We were people with similar experiences. Though of course, she seemed to always be handling it much better than me. I suppose I expected her to outlive me.
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[ he spins the ring on the table, watching it spin. ]
She must have been suffering.
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Honestly, I had not spoken with her much, either. After all, I know full well what type of person I am, so I know to tread carefully around someone that reminds me of myself.
[But yes, she will return to being seriously for a bit as the ring spins.]
I cannot say I know exactly what she has gone through, but as someone who has willingly chosen to walk on the path of conflict, knowing full well that it is unlikely to end in my own death... I do not think suffering was the primary thought. She had not given up until the end, after all.
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[ even if it means blatantly running away. ]
But Haku told me something, about how people learn to fight when they have something they care about. And I can see that you all have it, too. All of you keep fighting, despite everything that happens. It's incredible.
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Magical girls are not anything admirable like you believe. We are those who have stepped off the path of humanity for the sake of a single miracle. The moment we can no longer believe in that miracle is the moment we die.
It may sound good, but the fundamental truth is that I have sworn to do anything to achieve my goals. Including sacrificing others if need be. Our paths are built upon the broken dreams of those who came before us.
I have simply come to accept that the same thing will happen to me eventually as well.
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[ after a short silence from romani, he...breathes out a laugh. it's short and humorless, but it seems that something she said has hit a chord or two. ]
I see. It must be a heavy weight on your shoulders, Nanaka. And being so young, too...that's rather unfair.
[ unfair but necessary...that's something that he knows very well.
well, perhaps in his case, it was fair. ]
I'm sorry, Nanaka. That you must go through that.
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And of course, as a magical girl, I've seen many people's wishes. They come in quite a wide variety, actually. I know of magical girls that wished for the power to protect what is precious to them. I know magical girls who wished that they could save anyone in trouble. There are even magical girls who wish for vengeance...
But do you know what the wish of some of the most powerful magical girls are? The wish to survive. There is inherently wrong with merely trying to live, Doctor.
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[ there's another long silence that follows once nanaka has finished what she wanted to say. certainly, the concept of magical girls is something that he knows of from...well...anime, but speaking to one is something completely different.
it's a lot more painful, but also insightful, in a way.
there's nothing inherently wrong with merely trying to live.
he breathes out a sigh, nodding towards nanaka with a small, but shaky smile. ]
I see. I see. So that's how it is. I think I'm beginning to understand now...we can't lose that wish to live.
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