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thefoundation2020-05-02 07:08 pm
finalring) wrote in thefoundation2020-05-02 07:08 pm
Entry tags:
the truth is, everyone wishes to be saved.
The execution has come and passed with the death of two more Agents. However time moves on without cease and so must the living. There are no celebrations, only the silence that grows heavier and heavier with every day and the feeling that something is pleased with what it has done.
There are two more days before the new week arrives: what will you do?
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At all.
Though when Sissel comes in front of him, he just...presses his face into the tiny cat's fur, and cries soundlessly.]
It's...my fault....
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Of course it's not, Battler.
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I promised....I promised her...that I wouldn't let her get...
But...I...I couldn't think...of anyone else to suggest, and then, Aunt Rosa....
Her death....happened, because I....was useless...
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[now he knows for sure he can never tell who those two votes were. that secret will go with him to his grave]
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[He starts sobbing, just a little.]
It hurts...it hurts so much...I want...I want to see her again, but I can't....I can't....I'll never....see her again....oooh, uwoooh....
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[Honestly, he probably physically can't right now.]
...I can't....even see her on monday....like the others...
[somehow, he starts smiling.]
I...understand, now. How....Grandfather must have felt....
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[but when he mentions his grandfather... well he learned enough from Battler's long story to wiggle around and face the human directly]
Understanding is one thing. But you're not like him. You're a good man.
[As if Sissel acknowledging it would make it completely true. That Battler would never do something like Kinzo would- even if he knew he couldn't truly say that with any real certainty.]
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[He lets Sissel go, taking in a breath at that, but just...covers his eyes with an arm.]
I'm just....so tired, Sissel....
[No kun. Not right now.]
I wanted....to believe that everyone....could see it, too...That even if she was offering, she....didn't actually want to die...
[He grits his teeth.]
....I want....to see her again, if even she curses at me. For...being a coward...and breaking my promise....But I...can't...and everyone else....all of you, can....
I'm so...useless.
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But... if there's anything you want to say to her, I can carry that message. I don't think it's a good idea, but I'll do it.
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N-no...from what everyone's been saying, I...All I'll have to do...is talk out loud to her.
[...]
It's...not a message, that I want. I...
[He just buries his face in a pillow, the sound of muffled sobbing rising up shortly after.
It's just not fair...nor can he articulate it, properly.
All there is...is his despair.]
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Then swats him in the face- no claws, but he's not exactly gentle either]
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[He can't help but make a surprised yelp when he feels that little paw whap against his face, raising his head and looking over in surprise.]
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Correct me if I'm understanding it wrong. But your battles with the Witch. They were you denying the false 'truth' she tried to make, right?
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He does, staring wide-eyed at Sissel in confusion.]
I - yeah, but....what does that...?
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[He's probably never seen Sissel this aggressive, even during trials]
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Y-Yes, but...Sissel-kun, what -
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If that Witch saw you giving up so quickly she would laugh at you. Surely Rin likes the stubborn idiot you the most, right?
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...
[For now, he's hushing up and listening - but there's a bit of something a little stronger in those eyes, instead of just pure sorrow and despair.]
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[He remembers climbing onto that torpedo with Missile and Yomiel on a madman's quest- to hope for just one possible chance to undo it all. To save everyone.
It should have been impossible. But they did it, somehow]
Tell me, Battler. Are you completely and totally sure that Rin and the others are dead?
[Sissel himself doesn't think they're not- but that doesn't mean they are not savable. So in a way they are 'still alive'- but to ease Battler into that thought process would take a less direct approach. A soft paw, in a way]
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Actually gets him to stop, his eyes widening.
'...That's...right, isn't it?
I've...never witnessed their deaths.
I was always told about it after the fact, and that there was blood or something that 'seemed' like it was a corpse, but...
...
But, no...']
...Then are you telling me everyone else is lying about seeing their ghosts, Sissel-kun? Including you?
[Unfortunately, he's not that dumb. And if they're not dead -
Then, the answer is everyone is lying, isn't it?]
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We can be telling the truth as we know it and it still can be untrue. We don't have your Witch's Truth to confirm or deny things with, you know.
And... if I'm being honest- I don't think they're actually swapping out fake bodies or anything like that. I do think they're dead. But I won't deny that I can't disprove it either. And I can save my grief for after I know everything for sure.
[He doesn't know the term 'Devil's Proof' but if he did... well]
I'm not asking you to start thinking we're not actually in any danger here. Just... that until we solve this place, until the Curse is gone, that we don't know for sure what is actually happening. If you give up now, and there was something, even something seemingly impossible, that we could have done? Then that's just killing them all over again. That's accepting the fate this place has already decided for you.
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[More than that, he's...remembering what Virgillia told him, and the discussion they had.
He's...not sure if he can believe the idea that they're not really dead - but the reminder that they're not lying, That he sees something different than all of them...makes him taking a deep breath.
'...Sissel-kun...is right.
Did I just give up because I decided this isn't a board?
No. I promised, to myself...that I would help them all.
...If I'm being honest...It still hurts.
I think...I'll be hurting for Rin for a long, long time...
...But, if there's even a slight chance....that all of this suffering, for everyone, can be solved...
...Then I can't avert my eyes from that.
Then, I have to get back up again....and face this head on...!'
His eyes sharpen a bit, losing the air of hopelessness in them before he nods again.]
...You're....You're right. I...can't give up.
['I can't let Rin and everyone's deaths be in vain...!']
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[He can't smile, but the feeling is still there. He finally hops off Battle to curl up against this side instead]
And I'll keep supporting you.
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[He remains on his back, automatically reaching down to stroke Sissel when he setting against his side.
He has...a lot to think about, still.
But, maybe, just maybe...
...He can get up and try again.]