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thefoundation2020-04-18 09:20 pm
ghostricked) wrote in thefoundation2020-04-18 09:20 pm
Entry tags:
Opinions without 3.1415 are just Onions (Week1 post trial)
After everything, the house seems almost too still and too mundane. At least as long as the doors to that room remain closed. One by one those covered in what was once their teammate are lead to the showers or change in silence. There is no warm meal waiting for them. No words of encouragement.
Life goes on, regardless.
Life goes on, regardless.
no subject
[ the force which romani says that with shocks him as well. it's firm and full of determination-- he can't let battler think that way about himself in that way. ]
Maybe I was wrong in trying to sacrifice myself. If I had been more powerful, or...or...less of a coward, I could've done something else, something better to help you and the team in that moment. But if there's someone that deserves help and kindness, it's you.
[ he pauses for a moment, so it can sink in for battler. ]
Please understand that. You deserve help when you need it.
no subject
'...Sensei...really is an amazing person, isn't he.
But...'
Battler closes his eyes, letting out a soft sigh.
'...Why is it, that...whenever he says something like that, there's a part of me that can't accept it?']
...Alright, Sensei. I just - I'm just a normal person, and everyone else has so much more experience. I was - upset when Minamimoto-kun grabbed me, but...I was also kind of relieved, too.
[...it's a hard thing to admit, isn't it?]
So seeing you so willing to trade your life away for someone who isn't a doctor, or a soldier, or someone who can heal others...for someone who can't see or experience things everyone else is going through, a normal person...
...I don't...want to be the cause of your death, Romani-sensei. Not now, not ever. Even though it's selfish....even though I know I'll end up losing people close to me in the end...!
If you're a coward, then be a coward! I just...I don't want to see you die...!
no subject
[ he glances over at him, stopping entirely what he was doing to approach where battler was standing. ]
Do you think you're less important because you're normal? [ he pauses, looking momentarily lost as he tries to find the correct words to say. perhaps they don't exist?
roman doesn't know, but that doesn't mean he won't try. ]
Importance...I don't think it's something that's defined by rank or by powers. It's defined by how another person sees you...and I think that a lot of people see you as someone important to them. They care about you, Battler. Regardless of powers or lack thereof, you have a place in many of these people's hearts. And that's something that can't be denied.
no subject
[He shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut.]
I know. I know, I know, but, Sensei...What good is it if I don't have even enough power to stop any of this?!
Back there...even if I couldn't stop anything, I could still - I could still fight back, even just a little...! Even just a little, I could yell at Beatrice, and even if it didn't stop anything, I still felt like I was doing something...!
But here - here, there's nothing!! Nothing that I can see anyway, because of - because of th...this...
[His eyes snap open for a second, the blue wavering from clarity to emptiness for a second before he shakes his head, stopping himself from finishing the thought.]
...There's nothing I can do! And I - I'm going to be the one left in the end, right?! Just like always, seeing everyone I care about die in front of me...!! And I know I shouldn't think like this. I know trying to keep positive, to be strong, is the most important option, because if even the weakest here is able to do it, then everyone can...! But...But...!!
[There's a moment, as he sucks in a deep breath.
And when he lets it out....]
...But I'm afraid.
[There's no tears. Just....a self-effacing smile.]
no subject
[ i'm afraid.
romani is left speechless for some seconds, his expression one of clear concern as he watches battler's expression wavers for a split second. his shoulders drop in defeat as the other admits just how afraid he is--
--and how could he not be? especially after olympia and sho's deaths, especially after those experiences with the witches' games, the doctor wasn't surprised that battler was so terrified.
but it still hurt to know that he couldn't do anything about it. ]
I'm sorry. [ he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. ] I shouldn't have said that. But I--all of us--will do our best to find a way out. Even if it seems bleak now, and even if we're afraid, we have to keep fighting.
1/2
...Yeah. Yeah, I...I know. That's - what I'm the best at, I think. Even if I'm not as great as everyone else...I at least know how to handle something like this, right?
[Romani had said he was strong, coming back from something that would have broken most people three times over. And, maybe he's right. Even if Battler won't recognize it, he has a core of iron - something that refuses to give in, no matter how much he is pushed down and destroyed.
His belief, the hope that things will get better...though it may falter at times, it never truly goes away. And hearing Romani, someone he's known for such a small amount of time but already trusts so much, keep affirming that he's needed, that they all need to fight against even a bleak situation...
'...What am I doing, pitying myself?
I said I'd be there to support him, but instead...I'm just relying on him again.
...No, I...I have to stop.
I have to stand on my own feet, and face this, even if it hurts...even if I'm afraid...!']
no subject
If he stands in place, it's the same as submitting to all of this, and letting everyone drown in their despair. And he...
refuses to let that happen.
Courage seems to come back into his frame, as he looks over at romani and smiles.]
...We have to keep fighting, even if things get hopeless.
...Sorry, Sensei. I just lost sight of the goal for a minute...but thank you for reminding me about what's at stake.