Opinions without 3.1415 are just Onions (Week1 post trial)

[ghostricked]

After everything, the house seems almost too still and too mundane. At least as long as the doors to that room remain closed. One by one those covered in what was once their teammate are lead to the showers or change in silence. There is no warm meal waiting for them. No words of encouragement.

Life goes on, regardless.

Comments

[boardreversal]

[That's because it is resigned. Even as much as he'd like to pretend otherwise...

There's no way this isn't going to end with more deaths. More Murders.

More people they'll have to vote out with their own hands.]

....Yeah. I know.

[...]

...I know, Rin-chan. Sorry.

[tsunderine]

I know that we might not potentially avoid deaths, or more people dying. But if you give up like that already when we've barely put our foot through the door, that's an insult to the dead.

We're only one week in the mission proper, Battler-kun.

The very moment we start saying things like that, the very moment we let things make us upset or mad or despair...

That's how we lose. And I refuse to do that. If I have to be cruel and heartless in order to achieve that goal, I won't hesitate.

[her voice is serious, it's clear she's not entirely speaking as Tohsaka Rin, the person, but Tohsaka Rin, the magus. but the words are earnest.]

[boardreversal]

I'm not - I'm not giving up, alright?! I just -

[He cuts himself off, placing a hand on his face.]

I don't - want you to have to think like that, Rin-chan! Don't - say things like that, when...

[...]

I won't give up, I promise. But that...that doesn't mean we just pretend everything's alright, and that no one else is going to be lost! It doesn't mean we can't mourn those losses, even while we're forcing ourselves forward!

Even now, as much as I'm sad, as much as I want to cry...I also want to find the source of all this and destroy it! But I can't do that, so...so...!

[He falls silent, his free hand balling into a fist.]

Rin-chan....I want to believe that everything will be alright. That we won't have to lose anyone else....but how the hell can I just ignore everything I know that's screaming at me right now?!

[tsunderine]

... Of course pretending is a bad thing.

But I'm not allowed to be sad about it, either. And even if this does wind up continuing, even if more people wind up dead, I can't.

Because people like you and some of the others... well. Some of us have to hold it together.

[...]

Maybe I should go.

[boardreversal]

[And just like that, he snaps out of it - looking up at her with...not quite horror, but something like shock.]

N-No, I - you don't have to go, Rin-chan! I didn't mean....

[tsunderine]

[for a short moment she stops, not having completely left just yet, but very close to leaving]

... Didn't mean what, Battler-kun?

It's fine this way, isn't it?

[boardreversal]

I...

[He pauses for a moment, unsure of what to say.

'What can I even say here?
I've been so focused on myself, that I wasn't even paying attention to what Rin-chan was trying to say.
...How pathetic am I?
I have to stop wallowing, and...!!'

He raises a hand...and then slaps himself across the face, the noise ringing loudly as he strides forward, grabbing onto her hand.]

...No. No, it's not fine, Rin-chan.

[His eyes are bright, strong - as he stares directly at her.]

And I won't let you take on that burden alone.

[tsunderine]

... You can't possibly understand, Battler-kun. What 'this' burden even feels like.

[her voice remains completely cold as her aquamarine eyes meet his own, something steely in them]

[boardreversal]

It doesn't mean I can't try to understand! It doesn't mean I can't support you, Rin-chan!

[His grip tightens, but his eyes get...almost desperate.]

I just - I just -!!

[tsunderine]

[he tells her that he wants to try and understand and support her...

and it hurts.

but she needs to keep pushing him away. put him emotionally at arm's distance. that way, she can't get hurt.

being so close he might see it. the flicker of emotion in her eyes that is something sad before she pushes it down, just like she always has. and always will.

isn't this the proper way of a magus...?

this is right, isn't it?

even if his grip is tight, she tries to pull herself out of it.]

Don't finish that sentence. I don't want to hear it.

[...

"Maybe being told something like that at a time like this would be, um... troublesome, huh?"

"I don't want that thing to use our relationship to fuel itself."

"Ah, but I do know how it feels to have that person die before anything is said at all."

she can't.

she can't-]

I really... need to go.

[boardreversal]

[He feels the tug, sees those eyes -

And he lets go.

Because she's - someone he doesn't want to force to stay by him, but -

'Please...
Why won't you, just....let me even try to help you?
All I want....All I want, is...']

Rin....Rin-chan, please...

[Don't go.]

[tsunderine]

[for a second she's relieved.

but then, he calls her by name for just the briefest of seconds, without the honorific and she just stops as she turns on her heel.

"...Yes, the name suits you well."

of course she'd remember that stupid voice right now. and even more than that--

hearing him beg like that makes her wish that she was a normal person.

but she's not.

she knows that very well.

she could never be normal.

"—Aren't you going to stop me,"]

... I'll see you tomorrow.

[and she walks out the door if he chooses not to do anything]

[boardreversal]

I don't want....to see you in pain anymore, Rin.

[The words come out small - they're words he never intended to say, but -

Much like someone else here, he sees the wound she's carrying in her chest, gaping open. She's trying to cover it, but it's like trying to staunch the flow of blood...

But if she won't let him try to help her, there's nothing he can do.

'...No, isn't that just...a lie I'm telling myself?
...I'm letting her go, because...
...I don't...want to risk hurting her further....']