thefoundation | WEEK 4 - VENUS FLYTRAP

[These dragons and glaciers really do have so much to answer for. They might need multiple draconically-inclined worlds at this rate, but it's not like Anon would complain about expanding their very dubious buffet options.]

Wow, so you've never broken a fang before? [a beat] Actually, I've never thought about vampires breaking their fangs. You'd probably end up needing to drink blood through a straw at that rate.

[Can you imagine this. Geriatric blood drinking, the worst. He gives a little huff because the Foundation continues to be rude, so he's going to continue being rude about them. It's only fair.]

No varied diets, no basic diets, and their containment sucks, I really can't decide sometimes if it's a good thing they're that incompetent. [but some of that incompetence is probably how they ended up here, so he lets it go a little] Mm, can you imagine, though? What would happen if you released all the most dangerous SCPs at once, and then set the sites on fire. It really would be the end of the world.

[Probably. A few dozen times over. This is why the Foundation didn't let him do things!!]

[ Natsuno wouldn't either, even if he could (rightly) blame Anon for encouraging his newfound gluttonous tendencies. ]

That would be awful. [ Making a face!!! ] No, I've never really drank much before. And I've only been a jinrou for a bit so...

[ Very much a baby jinrou who violently abandoned it's nest and then set it on fire. Which seems relevant here, really. ]

I wonder if it would be like one giant fireworks show. [ There's definite approval in his voice. ]

[As always, Anon is here to help him live his best (un)life. That's what he's all about.

There's a happy snicker at the face Natsuno just made and of course he had to picture him trying to drink from someone's neck through a straw, too. It's truly almost a pity that he probably won't get to see that in person unless they do terrible things to some hapless passing vampire or unless Natsuno really, really loses to dragonhide.]

Heheh. Don't worry. If you ever do break a fang, you can totally have one of those crazy straws. [is that really consolation though] It's decided, though. We're definitely going to try every kind of blood we can get our hands on. What's the point, otherwise?

[He's definitely being a little silly -- but he's also perfectly and pleasantly serious. The two are a necessary coexistence when it comes to him.]

There would definitely be all kinds of fireworks, and all kinds of fights, too. Ahhh, it's so tempting.

I'm not using some stupid straw. [ They can abuse some poor vampire on another world, but here is where he draws the line apparently. ]

Yeah, if we're going to do it, it should be all the way. [ He takes a breath to settle himself from his straw indignation, and to reflect on the foundation's destruction. ]

They'll self-destruct eventually, right? So if we keep an eye on them we can just come back for the best part. I never really liked sitting through entire movies anyway.

[ The popcorning here is very literal apparently, as is his casual insinuation that they're going to be around each other for that long. It's not something he's consciously thought through, but like most things with them it just kinda happens without any resistance on his part. ]

[The snickering turns into real laughter, because he can't help it when Natsuno seems to have a totally random vendetta against straws. But there's something in it that's very like him, too, so the laughter has an oddly indulgent note to it, quiet and inviting.]

Okay, okay, if you don't want the straw then somebody else is going to have to!

[Let it never be said that Anon doesn't understand the art of compromise, even if the art is usually of manipulation rather than real compromise on his side of the fence. It's something he hasn't really brought with him, though, and he leaves it easily behind especially in this place and time.]

I'd put money on the Foundation really blowing up if I had it right now. But we can definitely just pick and choose the best parts. I don't think either a jinrou or Infernal lifespan is worth watching the Foundation do its thing for that long.

[That mellow note in his voice is still there, softened a little further. He definitely didn't just imply anything about lifespans, either. Neither of them are doing anything out of the ordinary.]

There have to be jiisan vampires in other places besides Sotoba, so we just have to find one of those. [ Problem solved, and he sounds happy with this deal. Natsuno is always up for digging on the elderly. ]

Mmhmm. Watching the whole thing would just be like going to school... [ He looks at Anon, unaware he has a very stupid smile on his face. ] but you wanted to see what high school was like, mn? We can just pick the best parts of that too.

The best parts of everything. [ He has no idea when he started to speak or believe in such grandiose ideas that had nothing to do with revenge or self-destruction. ]

I wonder if really old vampires still have fangs, or they have to use fake teeth like old humans? Maybe we'll get to find out.

[Otherwise they're just going to have to do really unmentionable things to this hypothetical geezer vampire, which Anon sounds like he might kind of be looking forward to because. They're like this. Someone save any vampire world from this combo, please.

He mostly done laughing but his ever-present smile widens again in response to the silly one Natsuno's giving him. This is terrible, it's like a feedback loop of being unable to take anything seriously. Not that most of the ideas they've spouted at this point would be taken seriously by anyone else.

Maybe that's the best part.]

Once we're free from this Game, we definitely have to do all of that. School, and blowing things up, and never taking anything less than the best.

[He strikes a ridiculous pose, pumping his fist in the air.]

That's how you know it's worth it, after all.

Hmn. If they were turned when they were old, their fangs might be old too. There was a jiisan who was bedridden when he turned and he still couldn't walk after. An old vampire like that might be our best bet. [ He snorts at this because it serves him right for being selfish and stupid. Nodding along at the rest, because he's totally here for this.]

That makes it sound like we're going to do those both at once. [ He's apparently not opposed to blowing up a school, because of course he's not. Kinda blinking at the end though. Is this pose something he's supposed to do too? Or is it like a high five thing? He's not really good at either of those things, so just cocking his head to the side and raising his hand a little.

Help. ]

Ehh, so there are vampires who would actually drink old people blood?? Wouldn't their blood be weak or tasteless or something? It really doesn't sound appetizing, and besides ending up as somebody old and rotting for eternity sounds like the worst!

[He is definitely judging the vampires on both sides of this transaction a little bit?? Whichever elderly vampire has the bad luck to get mugged by them for fangs or something sure is in for a time.

Anon cocks his head at Natsuno's half-hearted gesture, glances at his own fist and then makes a split-second decision punctuated by a happy laugh: he opens his hand and then bounces forward to tap their palms together. It's actually a less boisterous high-five than you'd expect from him, but Natsuno is still learning!

And improvisation. And stuff.]

We could do them both at once, too. I'd be up for that! That's what fireworks are for, right?

[That is not what fireworks are for.]

I never want to have to find out what they do taste like. I'd rather starve. [ Suffice it say he agrees here on both counts, and whatever geriatric vampire they find is in for a time. ]

Okay. [ To the both at once, give him a moment he kinda just realized that he both accepted and returned a high five. ]

...I don't think so. But we could launch fireworks after.

[ Nailed it? ]

So no old people blood for you, got it! Hey, what about like, immortal blood? Like the blood of a Witch or maybe the blood of something that lives for tens of thousands of years.

[Which, to be fair, is mostly Celestial Beasts where he comes from, and he's not sure how that blood would work out in the end, but it's not that big a deal to experiment with it if they ever get their hands on a Celestial Beast. The universe is wide and Anon is unscrupulous, but he does have his connections, too.

He's paging through their options, is the point here.

He looks even happier coming off the high-five here, delight and smugness warring in his expression as he watches Natsuno have a crisis over it. Maybe the crisis is part of the fun, too.]

Ah, that's too bad. I've always wanted to set off as many fireworks as possible at once. but I can totally settle for blowing something up and then fireworks.

Mmn, I could try it. [ Slowly and with trepidation—this is all so new and it's kinda like running before you can walk, but there's a note of determination too. Plus he's still recovering from the whole high five ordeal. ] I don't even know what type of human I like the most...

[ Tapping a finger to the corner of his mouth. ]

It'd be like a post destruction celebration, right?

A post-destruction destruction celebration!

[Anon claps happily at the prospect. Oh boy.]

Hm-hmm. It's probably easier to start with humans, there are so many, and then the others when we catch 'em! But there really are differences in human blood, huh? So younger and older, and do taller ones taste colder? What about lighter and darker hair, is it sweeter or more bitter?

[This has turned into blood tasting wild mass guessing, but obviously he's never really thought about this stuff in such terms or in such detail before -- this entire exercise has been both of them expanding their horizons and running the hell away into the distance, off a cliff and into a new game (not Game) entirely.

And they're not even wearing metaphorical shoes. Go figure.]

That sounds much better. There wouldn't be any loud annoying couples for those kind of fireworks either. [ Just you know, them. But he's oblivious here to the intensity of connection they have so nothing to see here. ]

...do you really want to know what different blood tastes like? [ You don't need metaphorical shoes when you have wings! Or something like that. ((Wings are later but details.) He's still not quite reached that point of jumping off the cliff with overwhelming enthusiasm, but by the sound of it he's still willing, just a bit thrown off. Gazing into the abyss before plunging into it and all that. ]

The best way to enjoy something is definitely to chase out everybody else first.

[He says this with a shit-eating grin so it's pretty obvious he knows that's not what you're supposed to do at a celebration?? Even if he has some very off-the-wall ideas about fireworks. But the idea of blowing things up with Natsuno has always been an excellently attractive one, so this is just the natural conclusion here.]

And 'course I want to know all about what blood tastes like. Why wouldn't I?

[Wholly sincere question here?? As the abyss gazes back with bright, bright red eyes, just about the color of fresh blood or flowers or a slowly polished mirror that hasn't quite been unveiled yet. It will truly be a cold day in the Underworld when Anon isn't up for going cliffdiving in every way.]

[ He returns the grin, not quite equally bold but he's getting there. It's not an emotion he can really keep up for the vampire cuisine, but he manages to preserve it somewhat. ]

Ha, you're you so I shouldn't have even asked in the first place. [ And that's comforting, even if he doesn't fully grasp why yet. ]

It's...I've only drank from a few people and never from any women. They were all pretty different, even though two of them are doctors. One was heavy and the other one had this warmth that felt like a fire in my stomach.

Ahh all blood—human blood—is sweet like water, with a sharp edge on the end. Sweet like apricots, or sweet like red bean, or sweet like scallops. Always, always, sweet...

[ Poking might be necessary as he definitely just zoned, oops. ]

I'm me! Now you're getting it. ☆

[He definitely repeated that with an additional layer of cheerfulness, like it's a real compliment (or he's taking it as one), because he's apparently added vampire cuisine to his repertoire of Eclectic Foreign Food Trivia.

There's a small laugh as he absorbs Natsuno's rhapsodizing about blood-drinking despite his reluctance, soaking everything up like the ridiculous Kirby sponge that he is and filing it away under 'probably shit that they're going to victimize somebody's kitchen with at some point'. He does let the zoning out continue for a moment or two just because it's fun to watch before finally reaching forward and prodding once or twice.]

I've definitely never tasted blood like that, vampires really have like, super-powered tastebuds, huh? [at least he's going to start counting it as another skill at this point, all things considered] I'm almost jealous! Most blood just tastes like blood to me. So you're going to have to try girls, and more kinds of sweet things, and people with different jobs...?

[There's a lot here but look, he's helping.]

[ His smile does brighten briefly at the very audible star; the compliment was very much as real as the dumb look on his face.

Blink, blink. It takes two pokes before he starts from his blood trance, red irises wide. ]

Huh? Yeah, yeah. [ He totally just signed up for a blood buffet by accident, but that's fine. ]

Wait, what? [ Maybe not so fine, but- ] I don't want to get fat.

[ Nope, his brain still isn't working properly yet. ]

[So maybe he took a moment or two himself to just soak everything up; it's a good respite to settle into before they plunge deeper into the topic of plunging fangs into people, so to speak. Blood buffets are definitely going to be an important part of their future endeavors -- that was probably the doomed conclusion the moment they got onto the topic of dragons.]

Yeah!

[Yeah, Natsuno definitely got himself into all kinds of things by now. It's fine, everything is fine. Anon looks way too pleased with himself, as always. His laughter gets a little louder and more amused, and he reaches down to poke a little at Natsuno's gut instead.]

Wait, wait, wait, I didn't even know vampires could get fat! Can you, really?

[Another poke like he can maybe find any residual blood sloshing around. That's not how it works, probably.]

Hey! [ That's probably not how it works, but Natsuno is as noodly as ever to the touch. As grumpy as ever too, but there's something else hidden in his consternation. The fact that he's nearly biting his lip trying not to laugh has nothing to do with this. ]

I wasn't-I never drank that much so I-I don't know!

Heheh.

[Well, it's not like Anon's going to miss that opening -- he's not built to miss things like this! That is to say, he's redoubling his efforts and going for the noodle-target with both hands now. Poke, poke, poke, pokepoke.]

Well then, all the more reason we've got to try things out! What if drinking a specific type of blood gets you fatter than a different type of blood? You could totally snack on some people and then have a real dinner on other ones! Or maybe some of them are sweeter, so they're better after dinnertime.

[What he's saying is that he's accusing Natsuno of having dessert for every meal?? Terrible. A true glutton! That means it's also, apparently, Anon's duty to make it exponentially worse.]

[ He's made a mistake. He's made a mistake and he's boxed himself into a corner, literally. They've been talking so long that he had found a nice comfortable spot against the wall, which while good for his back means that he has nowhere to escape.

Drawing his knees up to his chest his only defense is flailing, because he's trying too hard not to turn into a ball of laughter. There's a string of what sounds like cursing in Japanese too. ]

Fine, fine! [ Huffing and trying to get control of the situation. ] I don't understand how people want me to eat better as a jinrou than a human.

[Natsuno has made so many mistakes but hey, mistakes are evolution. He's going to come out of this some kind of beautiful vampire butterfly or something else confusingly wingéd because that's just how you do on Witchy wishing island at this point. Anon snickers as he gets some last pokes in, challenging the knee barrier by going for his sides instead and seeing if he can get some proper laughter out.

They're all the way in each other's space now, but that's what happens when you goad him on like this, he'll take a few miles for every inch.]

Yep, that's the spirit. I wouldn't know what to feed a human, so it's a good thing we only have to learn about the jinrou bits.

[Well, technically he learned a bit more about what to feed humans here, and the answer is whatever the heck happens in the kitchen. Obviously.]

[ The problem when you're a noodle is that body barriers aren't very effective. This honestly might be a decent argument in favor of him eating regularly, but it's lost in the fit of laughter he finally breaks out in.

Give him a minute. ]

WEEK 4 - VENUS FLYTRAP

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