[ the more that gilgamesh gets closer, the more that solomon wishes he could step back and away from him. logically, he knows that it's the fault the fear that threatens to consume his very being...but this does not make it any less powerful.
he's afraid, and the only way he can mask that is by frowning, green eyes glaring daggers at the king of heroes' red. the amount of restraint he has on himself to keep his voice level surprises even himself. ]
I understand all of this. I know that they will not wish to do such a thing again--except perhaps Dazai, whose behavior we are all very aware of. Logically, your reasoning is sound. And considering that your reasoning is sound, I shouldn't have a problem with what happened today...right? I should have just said yes, and given one of them my mask.
[ and it's then when he takes a shuddering breath, still trying to restrain himself...but the sheer amount of emotions behind his eyes is easily visible. ]
But you know what I thought of? I thought of the Winchester Mansion. I thought of the number of people that died because of my incompetence. Dazai, Nanaka, Yachi, you-- and don't tell me you don't count because I saw you get ripped apart in the video feeds.
[ you think he wouldn't watch the tapes? ]
Upon this mission, I understood that there would be risks. I understood that there would possibly be casualties--high risks missions are such for a reason. But I did not expect...what happened after that trial! And if that is the case, then-- then--
[ there's another second's pause. another sharp breath, his mind racing at a hundred kilometres as it thinks up every situation. ]
What if... Sherlock kills someone tomorrow? Hm? What if Ren or Dazai or Yachi or anyone kills someone tomorrow and we find them guilty. What if you do? Will you disappear like that professor did? And, if you do, will it be permanent? Do you believe that I can just accept the idea of my mind being toyed with as I slowly forget about those who I have learned to care about with crossed arms? Because the answer to that is a resounding no. But don't believe I'm trying to justify myself to you because trust me, I, too, hate how illogical I'm being.
[ maybe i was better off as an unfeeling machine, is what goes unsaid. ]
no subject
he's afraid, and the only way he can mask that is by frowning, green eyes glaring daggers at the king of heroes' red. the amount of restraint he has on himself to keep his voice level surprises even himself. ]
I understand all of this. I know that they will not wish to do such a thing again--except perhaps Dazai, whose behavior we are all very aware of. Logically, your reasoning is sound. And considering that your reasoning is sound, I shouldn't have a problem with what happened today...right? I should have just said yes, and given one of them my mask.
[ and it's then when he takes a shuddering breath, still trying to restrain himself...but the sheer amount of emotions behind his eyes is easily visible. ]
But you know what I thought of? I thought of the Winchester Mansion. I thought of the number of people that died because of my incompetence. Dazai, Nanaka, Yachi, you-- and don't tell me you don't count because I saw you get ripped apart in the video feeds.
[ you think he wouldn't watch the tapes? ]
Upon this mission, I understood that there would be risks. I understood that there would possibly be casualties--high risks missions are such for a reason. But I did not expect...what happened after that trial! And if that is the case, then-- then--
[ there's another second's pause. another sharp breath, his mind racing at a hundred kilometres as it thinks up every situation. ]
What if... Sherlock kills someone tomorrow? Hm? What if Ren or Dazai or Yachi or anyone kills someone tomorrow and we find them guilty. What if you do? Will you disappear like that professor did? And, if you do, will it be permanent? Do you believe that I can just accept the idea of my mind being toyed with as I slowly forget about those who I have learned to care about with crossed arms? Because the answer to that is a resounding no. But don't believe I'm trying to justify myself to you because trust me, I, too, hate how illogical I'm being.
[ maybe i was better off as an unfeeling machine, is what goes unsaid. ]